Isolation - Day 62

Isolation
Day 62

Sometimes you just want everyone to leave you alone. So you build a protective wall around yourself, not only to keep other people out, but also to guard against unwanted emotions. You may think you are playing it safe, but instead you are blocking out the healing.

"There are people who love you and want to pray for you and want to talk with you," says Dr. Tim Clinton. "If you allow that to happen, God puts great salve on deep wounds."

Doesn't that sound wonderful -- a great salve on deep wounds?
Jeremiah called out to God for just a thing and found Him to be faithful and true.

"Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there? Why then is there no healing for the wound of my people?" (Jeremiah 8:22).

"But I will restore you health and heal your wounds,' declares the LORD, 'because you are called an outcast, Zion for whom no one cares'" (Jeremiah 30:17).

Faithful God, bring me out of my self-imposed isolation that I may be healed by the Balm of Gilead--Jesus Christ. Amen.

 ~ I am grateful that I didn't really get to the place of isolation. I might be delusional, but it felt like my family withdrew from me. How do you approach someone who has just lost her sister and mom and ask "how are you doing?" or "how are you holding up?" Those become loaded questions and most people try to shy away from doing that because they really don't want the answer to the question.  It would have been nice to have people around me for longer than just me moving out of my house and into an apartment. It would have been nice for them to be more present in my son's life even before the losses. I think I tend to have a bit of resentment because I am so loving and giving or try to be and when it comes to reciprocation, I think we get lost in the shuffle. I tend to feel unwanted or unneeded in my family and therefore unimportant. I try not to put that stigma on my child and for him to feel loved and wanted all the time. I try and keep things positive in his view so that he doesn't feel the negativity that I do or the dismay. I think mostly, I just want him to be a happy kid and not have the hurt and sorrow that I still am working through. It is like fears. I notice he is picking up fears that he didn't have before. I just try to make sure that I help him through those and help him along the way so that he doesn't end up in this barren feeling that I still am working through.