Anger: Directed at People or Situations Surrounding Your Loss - Day 68

Anger: Directed at People or Situations Surrounding Your Loss
Day 68

Anger does not necessarily follow a logical path. Different people will focus their anger in different directions. For instance, you might be angry with people or at circumstances surrounding your loss.

"I remember being angry at first toward my sister-in-law because she was the one who told me [about the car crash]," says Jodie, whose husband was killed. "That made me mad. I had to really ask the Lord to heal that anger. He's faithful."

Heidi shares, "In the situation surrounding my husband's death, there were a lot of people involved in making the decision for him to leave that night. There are times when [I] want to get angry about the way things were done."

Do you need healing from misdirected anger?

"O Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me" (Psalm 30:2).

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9).

Father God, I am angry, and that's okay, but turn my anger away from false, destructive paths. Amen.

~ I have been angry at myself for the death of my mother. I was the one that ultimately said "yes" to taking her off life support. For the longest time I felt like I killed my mom. Not like everyone was telling me, that I did an act of compassion for letting her go be with God and my sister and my Popo.  I am sorry for being selfish and wanting my mother here with me. I am sorry for holding on to her when I had just lost my sister three weeks before. I am sorry that I was so distraught that I didn't know how to function.
I am more angry that part of me was relieved because I didn't know how I was going to afford an apartment for the three of us and it would have to be a handicap accessible apartment so that I could wheel her in and out of the apartment. She wasn't a burden, but my step-dad walked out on all of us just months before and then with the loss of my sister, I just wasn't functioning well.  I am still working on this. It is hard to say this and not cry because I still miss my mother very much. I still close my eyes and see her laying in that bed lifeless. I still close my eyes hear the quietness of that room when the machines were turned off and then looking up to see the nurse shake her head as if to tell me that she had passed on. That is my burden to bear.

As far as my sister's death. I have had a lot of hurt and anger towards my brother-in-law. He was supposed to protect her. He was supposed to make sure she was fine. Now that I look back I should have noticed that she started looking different in pictures. Same with my mom. I can look back at pictures and see the decline in health. It wasn't just that they were aging, but it was like they were wilting away.
I am so angry still that my brother-in-law brought some woman into that house less than 2 months after my sister was buried. Did he have this woman already? Was he cheating on my sister like he did before? My sister loved that man and didn't want us to be mad at him. It took her a long time to tell me about it and when she did I had a little hostility towards him, but Justice seemed to mend that a bit. Justice loved him and her. I am so angry that my brother-in-law tore that bond apart by his need to have someone. I am not sure nor am I in a place where I want an explanation, but it was very hurtful and the fact that she was down right disrespectful towards me when I first met her made me never to want to be around her. That being the reason why my child wouldn't get to be around him and thus another loved one out of his life. I mourn that loss as well. My child lost his step-father (he walked out), his aunt, his grandmother and his uncle all within four months. Thank God he is too young and doesn't remember it, but he will see pictures and have questions later because they are now NOT in pictures. It just continues to be sad in my heart and I just have to pray on it.