Be Honest with Your Grieving Children – Day 184

Be Honest with Your Grieving Children

Day 184

You may wonder how much to say to your children about the loss of their sibling, parent relative, or friend. Of course, you have to gauge it to their ages and attention spans, but with this in mind, we encourage you to be honest and open with your children.

“As parents you want to protect them; you want to make it right for them, and yet you don’t know that what you’re doing is actually not hurting them,” says Dora. “When we first got back from the hospital after their sister died, we were at a loss for words, and we probably did all the wrong things. They wanted to know how she died, and my husband said, ‘Well, she fell asleep; it’s just like falling asleep, only she just didn’t wake up. It was very comfortable.’ Neither one of my girls could sleep after that for months because they were afraid they were going to die. Their comprehension is so limited at that age.”

God understands that you do not know what to say. He will enable you. Be truthful, yet compassionate with your children, and pray continually for His guidance. Encourage the children to ask you questions, and keep the lines of communication open at all times. Also, seek help from experienced parents or a counselor for advice on how to explain such things to children.

“Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God” (2 Corinthians 3:5).

Holy God, open my mouth to honestly talk and share with my children. Help me to be available and approachable to them. Amen.

Parents Must Model Healthy Grief - Day 183

Parents Must Model Healthy Grief

Day 183

Children need their parents to model healthy behaviors. They need to see their parents dealing with grief in a healthy way so that they can learn to do the same.

“I was real open with my grief at first,” says Jodie of her husband’s death. “I think that is why the boys were comfortable bringing up their dad and saying, ‘I really miss Dad.’ We could talk about it, and that was good because my oldest is not real expressive about his emotions. That made it easier for me to pull his emotions out too.”

Jodie’s son followed her lead in coping with grief. You may desire to model healthy grief, but are not sure how to do so. Take heart; you are better equipped than you think.

These daily devotions are a guide for your journey, not only your journey of grief, but also your journey of knowledge and wisdom. You are learning from others who have traveled before you and are seeking truth and healing in God’s Word. Teach your children the source of true healing and make it your priority. Lead them to Jesus.

“Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these’” (Matthew 19:14).

Heavenly Jesus, I want to learn more and more about You so that I can teach my children the certainty and assurance found in a life with You. Amen. 

Children in Grief May Act Out Their Hurt - Day 182

Children in Grief May Act Out Their Hurt
Day 182

Your children may surprise you by the misbehavior they display while grieving. But you need to remember the source of their misbehavior: They feel hurt and do not know what to do with that feeling.

Shelly, whose son passed away, talks about the response of her other son: "He was the passive child between two demanding children. He often didn't express himself and held everything inside.  So it was so out of character for him to rise up with anger and to put holes in the walls and to be so frustrated in the way that he was.

"After seeking God, what I felt in my heart was that it was his survival he was going through. He was dealing with pain so deep, and he was too young to understand that death is a permanent thing. It's something you can't change; you can't go back; there's no way to rectify what has happened. You just have to accept it. That was so hard for him to deal with. It's almost like he came out fighting.

"And when we were able to accept that this was a part of the process that he had to go through and just cover it in love, we removed some of the stressors in his life, and we allowed him that time."

You still have to be the parent, and your children need you to continue to communicate clear boundaries to them. But choose the issues that you want to address. Over everything else give them oceans of love and grace.

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him" (Psalm 103:13).

Lord, show me how to be there for my child. Show me how to remove the stressors in his or her life, and open the flow of love and understanding between us. Amen.

Children in Grief Need Unconditional Love - Day 181

Children in Grief Need Unconditional Love
Day 181

Children need special attention when they grieve because they are not equipped with the emotional maturity of adults. Their world has fallen apart, and what they need most of all is the assurance of your unconditional love.

"There wasn't anybody to help me when my dad died," says Barbara Johnson. "I had a mother and a sister, but everyone was so busy. I went through my teenage years by myself without a whole lot of help. I did pay a price for that because emotionally I needed some help, and I needed comforting.

"For other parents who have lost a child: Remember, the other siblings are hurting too. Reach out to these kids and unconditionally love them -- just love these kids right where they are and let them know that love is the healing factor and that they're not to blame. Sometimes children have a tendency to blame themselves if there's an accident or a tragedy. But I think we have to put the blame aside and just show a lot of love and a lot of understanding."

Do not put this off. Go to your other children right now and tell them how much you love them. Look them in the eyes; hold them in your arms, and just love. God loves you an calls you His child. Now pass that love on to your children.

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" (1 John 3:1).

Forgive me, Father, for neglecting to comfort the hurt and pain that my other children are feeling. Comfort me as I comfort them. Amen.

Forgive Everyone Involved - Day 180

Forgive Everyone Involved

Day 180

When someone close to you has taken his or her life, a natural tendency is to try and understand the reason for it and to place blame. Be cautious. Focusing on blame will only make you bitter. Bitterness will not resolve any issues, but will block your healing.

Shelly lost her son through suicide. She says, “Yes, there are people we could blame. But the greater challenge to us as Christians was to rise up and say, “We forgive. We’re not going to hold them accountable in any way, shape, or form.’

“We did whatever we had to do to align ourselves in a way that we could imagine the Lord Jesus Christ doing. When we were willing to do that, we released healing, and we released miracles.”

Turn your thoughts to the things of God – His words, His attributes, His creation, His promises – and not to blame.

“But there is forgiveness with thee” (Psalm 130:4 KJV).

Lord, forgive me and open my heart to forgive others who are involved in this situation. Amen. 

Suicide: Cultural Taboo - Day 179

Suicide: Cultural Taboo

Day 179

Suicide is considered taboo in today’s society. Often people do not know what to say to you or how to respond to you if you have lost a loved one to suicide. As a result, people often avoid you instead of risking discomfort or awkwardness. This is uncomfortable for you as well, but you must get beyond those feelings and ask others for the help you need.

One way to seek help is through a grief recovery support group.  In this setting you can find people who will be concerned friends, who will not worry about the “right” words to say or the “best” way to respond to you. They will accept you, love you, and not have expectations of you.

“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” (Proverbs 25:11).

O God, help me to reach out and seek help from others who are grieving, too. Amen.

Others Do Not Know What to Say - Day 178

Others Do Not Know What to Say

Day 178

“We were so deep in our grief that we didn’t know how to ask for help,” Shelly says of her son’s suicide. “We didn’t know how to communicate that. There were times I wished someone would have intruded upon our grief and said, “Do you need someone to talk to? Do you need someone to share with?’”

If you have lost someone to suicide, there are times when even those closest to you don’t know what to say. They may even pull back. This isn’t because they don’t love you. It’s because they simply are at a loss for words and don’t know how to respond. Explain to them or show them that what you need is a friend.

“[Love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:7, 8 NASB).

Lord, when I don’t know what to say and my friends don’t know what to say, let us all just rest in Your love. Teach us to love one another. Amen.

Believers Go to Heaven - Day 177

Believers Go to Heaven

Day 177

If a person is a believer in Jesus Christ, nothing can separate him or her from the love of God. Not even suicide can take a believer out of His hands.

“Suicide is a very difficult topic,” says Dr. Erwin Lutzer, “but let me simply say something that I think needs to be said: I have known genuine Christians who have committed suicide, and I expect to see them in heaven.”

If you have lost a loved one to suicide, do not weary yourself with the burden of wondering if he or she is in heaven. God alone knows the hearts of people, and He is a just and merciful God.

Take the time now to get your heart right with the Lord. Surrender your life to the healing Christ; and obey what is written in His Word. Know for certain that as a believer you will live in His presence forever in heaven.

“For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day” (John 6:40).

Savior Jesus, I give my life to You and seek to please You all of my days. You are my hope and my life. Amen. 

Unanswered Questions - Day 176

Unanswered Questions

Day 176

Suicide always leaves unanswered questions.

“Just this week I spoke with a darling father,” says Barbara Johnson. “He was about forty years old and had a seventeen-year-old son. He went to wake him up in the morning for school and found him hanging from a chandelier. There’s no preparation for this. A darling Christian boy, active in his church; his father was a wonderful Christian man. So there’s no explanation for this.

“That is when you have to claim Deuteronomy 29:29, ‘The secret things belong to the Lord.’ And this is a secret thing. No one will ever know the reason why this thing happened, this side of heaven. As I counsel many parents who have lost their children to suicide, that is the hardest one to deal with. They want to blame themselves. I try to tell them that their child went out to meet a just and a loving God. And God only knows the answers. You can’t blame yourself for what your kids do or grab onto guilt.”

No, you cannot blame yourself. There is no responsibility or control when it comes to suicide.

“Now I know in part; then I shall know fully” (1 Corinthians 13:12).

Holy Father, I will never truly know the reason for this suicide until I get to heaven. Every time I start to point the finger of blame, gently cover my hand with Yours and restore me in Your peaceful presence. Amen. 

Family Ties - Day 175

Family Ties

Day 175

“God saved my family from destruction. I think that the enemy was trying to come in and destroy us. But God said, ‘No,’” says Darlynn, whose grandmother died.

Grief can cause intense strain on your family, regardless of how close you may have been before the loss. Buy God placed you within a family for you to support one another. He does not want you to quarrel. When you do, you are giving Satan the opportunity to destroy what is good.

It is okay to express your differences, but personal attacks and hurtful accusations are always out of line. Your home must be a safe place where love is the context in which disagreements are worked out.

“You want something but don’t get it … You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God” (James 4:2).

Ask God for help right away. Stop the grumbling and dissention before they have a chance to grow.

Righteous God, please strengthen our family ties, and bond us together each day in love. Amen. 

Grief Can Cause Family Conflicts - Day 174

Grief Can Cause Family Conflicts

Day 174

Grief puts an awful strain on families, often leading to family conflicts. What conflicts have you and your family experienced as a result of your loss? Emotions are running high, and the last thing you want to deal with is further strife.

Annie, whose father died, says, “It was so hard after he died because of the conflict within my family over settling the estate. We had so many differences of option. It was very heartbreaking. I never thought that my loved ones would react like they did. Now I look back, and I realize that they also were grieving. Once we were past settling the property, getting the property sold and everything divided, now gradually we’re getting back together. Money can really cause problems in a family.”

Understand that each person in your family is grieving in his or her own way, and before you make important family decisions, pray together for God’s wisdom and guidance. Do not be afraid of ridicule or rejection from your family members for recommending prayer – prayer is powerful, and you are wise to suggest it.

“It is to a man’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel” (Proverbs 20:3).

Savior God, I pray that everyone in my family can come to an agreement about what is best to do. Give each of us a peace and a feeling of confirmation that our decision is the right one. Amen. 

Your Words - Day 173

Your Words

Day 173

“The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45).

Sometimes as a result of grief, you may find yourself directing words of blame, anger, scorn, or irritation at your spouse without giving much consideration to those words. Perhaps it is time to think about some of the things you’ve said and consider why you said them. Your words are likely revealing emotions you are holding inside you, and these emotions need to be addressed.

“God allows pressures in your life to reveal to you what’s inside you,” says Iris. “The Bible says what’s in your heart comes out of your mouth. For years I was trying to tell my husband what I thought God was trying to show him, but I’m seeing more and more that God’s trying to reveal to me what’s in me. As He shows me what’s in me that is wrong, I can confess it to Him. And the Bible says if you confess it, He takes it away as far as the east is from the west.”

After a time of self-examination, if you come to realize that you have said or done something wrong – yes, confess it to God, but also take the time to confess and apologize to the person you have wronged.

You can also share with the other person what you have learned about yourself and ask for prayer to handle things better next time.

Father, forgive me for saying unkind words to my spouse. Help me to be better aware of any emotions I’m holding inside so that I can work through them. Amen.

Growing Closer to Your Spouse - Day 172

Growing Closer to Your Spouse

Day 172

Sometimes when a couple loses a child, they react to their confusing emotions by targeting each other. As a result, they begin to grow apart.

Quinton and Teresa experienced the death of their daughter. They offer a few suggestions to help you and your spouse grow closer during this time.

• Come together each day and apologize for anything you may have said or done to hurt the other person in the past twenty-four hours. If you do not apologize right away for the small things, they can become magnified in the other person’s eyes and the gap between you will grow.
• Be the first to give in if there is a disagreement. You do not have to agree with the other person’s view, but acknowledge the parts you do agree with and apologize for any harsh or judgmental words that you said.
• Pray together daily, whether you feel like it or not.
• Say something encouraging to your spouse each day.
• Reflect on the good times together.
• Be sensitive to the other person’s feelings and needs, which may be different from your own.
• Do not isolate yourself from your spouse.
• Attend a Bible study together.

Ephesians 5 offers this advice for husbands and wives: “Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ … Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church – a love marked by giving, not getting” (21-22, 25 msg).

Dear Lord, sometimes I feel that the gap between my spouse and me is growing larger each day. Please help us to come together again. Amen. 

Sexual Intimacy is Possible Again - Day 171

Sexual Intimacy is Possible Again

Day 171

It is not unusual for profound grief to impact sexual intimacy in a marriage.

“With me, it was very hard to go back to a sexual relationship after my parents died,” says Silvia. “My husband could not really understand why this bothered me, but he saw me through it, and we’ve been married forty-eight years.”

Your marriage can survive and come out stronger. Persevere in love, and do not let your feelings rule your actions.

“The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:4-5).

Holy God, sexual intimacy just doesn’t feel right anymore. Help me to rise above my emotions and move toward Your love. When I move toward You, my love for my spouse will be carefully and securely strengthened again. Amen.

Grief Can Rob You of Intimacy - Day 170

Grief Can Rob You of Intimacy

Day 170

Men and women view intimacy in different ways, and the loss of a child or a loved one will affect the intimacy in your marriage.

Shelly, who lost her son, says, “We tried to pull from one another what we needed to be pulling from the Lord. We realized we had to allow ourselves to go our separate ways and deal with the grief and let ourselves be built up from the Source who could really meet that need before we had something to offer each other. Many say that most marriages don’t make it through something like this, and it’s nice to be a testimony that a marriage can make it through.”

God alone can meet your needs. Your spouse cannot be expected to meet them. Whenever you are in despair because your spouse is not acting or responding in the way that you think is best, you must be proactive and not reactive. Hold to the “I must change first” principle: “Lord, my spouse is driving me crazy. One of us needs to change. I volunteer. Change me.”

When you gain your strength from the true Source, you will be better able to build a new intimacy with your spouse.

“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God … Put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator … Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.” (Colossians 3:1, 10, 12-15).

Lord, teach me Your love. Amen. 

Grief Can Cause Stress in a Marriage - Day 169

Grief Can Cause Stress in a Marriage

Day 169

The loss of a child can create stress in a martial relationship. Choose to persevere and never to give up. Your loss may result in a closer relationship with your spouse.

These three people worked through the emotional struggles that caused tension in their marriage, only to come out better on the other side.

Dora, speaking of her daughter’s death, says, “You’ll be here at one point in your grief, and your spouse is over here and the two never meet for months and months. Then all of a sudden when you do meet, you find that you’re two different people. And you really have to work to get back on that same level of communication. It’s real tough, but in many ways I feel like my husband and I are bonded for life because of our suffering.”

Jeff, who lost his son, says, “I think it’s made our relationship stronger. We communicated so well through the death of our son and after. We’ve talked more in the last three years than we did in the previous nine or ten.”

Teresa’s daughter died. She says, “When you do lash out, because none of us are perfect, the other spouse has to be mature and say, ‘Well, come on, Sweetie, I know this may be an emotional time right now. I know you didn’t mean that. I know we’re under a lot of emotional strain right now and a lot of adversity, but let’s just pull this thing together,’ and just immediately grab hands and start praying.”

Take courage from the testimonies of these couples and focus on God. Even when you are both going in opposite directions, you will surely meet if you keep your eyes on God’s plan for your life.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh,’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined, let man not separate” (Mark 10:7-9).

Lord, it is Your will that my spouse and I remain together. Give me the strength to persevere. Now is the time to begin. Amen. 

Your Family Needs Your Support - Day 168

Your Family Needs Your Support

Day 168

As difficult as it is, your life must go on. No, you’ll never feel the same again, and that hurt place in your heart will never be fully healed on this side of heaven. But the others – your family – they need you to be involved in their everyday lives. They need your help as they journey through grief.

“Your family deserves you as a hundred-percent person,” says Barbara Johnson, whose two sons died. “They don’t deserve only half of you. But so many times parents are so wrapped up in that grief. They keep rotating back to that other time instead of saying, ‘Hey, I’m still alive. I have children who need me.’ This is a new life. The other chapter is done, but the book goes on.”

Provide your family with the love, attention, and nurturing they so desperately need from you.

“If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8).

Lord, thank you that as I provide for others, You, in turn, will provide for me. Amen. 

God Relates to Your Loss - Day 167

God Relates to Your loss

Day 167

God’s Son died; He was buried; and on the third day He rose again. There is hope because of Jesus.

According to Dr. Bill Bright: “God has demonstrated His love for you by personally visiting this planet earth. He left His place of glory, came as a man (the God/man), died on the cross for your sins, and was raised from the dead as a demonstration of His love.

“A woman said, ‘Where was God when my son was killed during the war?’ And a wise, spiritually mature friend said, ‘He was where he was when His own Son died on the cross for our sins.’ God knows all about your problems. He wants to help you, but in your anger and resentment, and oftentimes hatred, He cannot help you. It is only when you say, ‘Oh God, help me,’ in a spirit of humility, that He envelops you with His love, forgiveness, and grace.”

God knows your deepest fears, hurts, and needs.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16).

Oh God, help me. Amen. 

Treasures in Heaven - Day 166

Treasures in Heaven

Day 166

The Bible admonishes you to lay up your treasures in heaven (Matthew 6:20). But how difficult that is to do when your treasure is an infant child!

Dot lost three of her infant children. She says: “At the funeral of our first child, the preacher used the Scripture about not laying up your treasures here on earth. That was always a comfort to know that my children were going to be in heaven. I’ve found great comfort in the fact that they are not gone; they’ve just been lifted to a higher plane.”

God knows your child more intimately than even you do. He created your precious child with the gentlest of hands. God was with your child before he or she was born, and He will tenderly watch over your child forever.

“Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be” (Psalm 139:16).

Heavenly Jesus, bring me words of true comfort today. Thank you that my baby is alive and well with You. Amen.

Reunited Because of Christ - Day 165

Reunited Because of Christ

Day 165

David noticed that his servants were whispering among themselves and he realized the child was dead. “Is the child dead?”’ he asked. “Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.”

Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.

His servants asked him, “Why are you acting this way?  While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!” He answered, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” (2 Samuel 12:19-23)

David said with assurance, “I will go to him.” David’s young child was gone, but he knew with certainty that he would see that child again. He made the important decision to go on living in the meantime. David knew that his son was already in the presence of the living God.

If David, who lived in Old Testament times, had this certainty, how much more certain can we be about our own children now that Jesus Christ has come and given us a greater hope?

Thank you, Jesus, that you care so much for me and for my child. I want to surrender my sinful life to You, so that I, too, will spend eternity in Your loving presence. Amen. 

Children Are with the Lord - Day 164

Children Are with the Lord

Day 164

Christians believe the only way to enter heaven is through God’s Son, Jesus. But what about infants and small children who never reach the age to make a decision to receive Jesus?

Dr. Luis Palau says, “I am convinced that little children who die in innocence, who don’t know right from wrong, are covered by the blood of Jesus Christ, and they are in the presence of the living God. The Bible clearly teaches that a brief life is not an incomplete life. We have our ideas of how long we should live, but the Bible says that every one of our days was written in God’s book before they even happened.

“All is well with your little child because she’s [he’s] in the presence of God the Father in absolute perfection. And you can rest on that because that’s what the Word of God teaches.”

Little ones are not only in heaven, but are also safe in a joyous, precious place close to the heavenly Father. On earth, children are sometimes looked down upon, but in heaven they hold a special place of honor.

The value of children was emphasized by Jesus who said in Matthew 18:10 that children have angels assigned to each of them in heaven. These angels are in intimate contact with the Father, whose nature is revealed throughout the Bible. Being true to His nature, the Father’s concern could not stop at the death of a child.

“See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you, that their angels in heaven continually behold the face of My Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 18:10 NASB).

Holy Father, as I close my eyes right now, please give me an assurance of the peace and joy that my child is experiencing in heaven right now. Amen. 

Troubled Thoughts - Day 163

Troubled Thoughts

Day 163

You do not need to be constantly burdened by sorrowful thoughts.

“Listen to my prayer, O God, do not ignore my plea; hear me and answer me. My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught” (Psalm 55:1-2).

Author, speaker, and humorist Barbara Johnson lost two of her sons. She shares how God gave her a special memory of one of her sons to replace the bad thoughts that were overwhelming her. She says: “The memory is so special that when I talk about my son and I think about it, God windshield-wipes the pain, and I can enjoy the other memories and think on things that are good and happy and fun and pure. And God, in time, does erase the painful memories. It’s so important to think of the fun times.”

Ask God for a special memory of your child to replace the negative pictures in your mind. Focus your thoughts on that special memory. Share it with others, and treasure it.

Lord God, remind me of the happy memories, the fun times, and the laughter, and may those memories bring a smile to my face and to others around me. Amen. 

Treasure Your Memories - Day 162

Treasure Your Memories

Day 162

Children are a gift from the Lord. You want the best for your children – long, happy lives; spiritual growth; and fulfillment. But every day is a gift from God. Even in your loss, it’s good to be thankful for the time you did have together.

Rate yourself: Have you been mostly (a) thankful for all the wonderful times with your child or (b) bitter about the times you won’t have with your child?

“I had her for almost five years,” says Cindy, who lost her daughter. “I’m the lucky one. I try not to focus on what is so bad, and I try to say, ‘Okay, I can’t change it, so let’s look at what’s good or at what’s not so bad.”

The Bible says that Jesus loves children dearly. Be assured that your child is precious to Jesus and so are you. “He took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them” (Mark 10:16).

After the prayer today, spend time thinking about some joyous and humorous times you had with your child.

Lord of heaven, calm my heart and help me to remember right now the precious memories I can learn from, grow from, and treasure in my heart daily. Amen. 

Is Bitterness the Only Option? - Day 161

Is Bitterness the Only Option?

Day 161

For those who do not believe in the world to come, bitterness is indeed the only option.

But for those who believe in an eternal glorious life, ruled by a God who is higher, wiser, and more powerful than all, these people have hope – the true, godly hope that they will see their loved ones again, reunited in His loving presence. To ensure this hope, you must surrender your life to Him and commit yourself to serving Him and learning more about Him.

Jesus died as the payback for the sins of all people; He took the blame. But Jesus rose from the dead. He defeated death and now lives eternally so that you, too, can experience eternal life with Him. He loves you that much! Through Christ you can be reconciled to God, no matter what you have done in the past. Repent (turn from) your sins today and turn straight into His loving arms.

The Bible offers a simple plan of salvation to those who come with a sincere heart: “If you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved” (Romans 10:9-10).

Lord Jesus, I believe that You are the Son of God and that You died on the cross to save me from my sins. I turn away from my sinful ways right now and surrender myself to You. Thank you, Amen. 

The Loss of a Child: Bitterness and Blame - Day 160

The Loss of a Child: Bitterness and Blame

Day 160

“The bottom line is no matter whom you point the finger at and expect that person in some way to take the blame or pay you back – there is no way this will bring closure or peace to your heart,” says Shelly, whose son died. Another person cannot bear your pain for you; only Christ can bear your pain.

She continues, “In the same way, you can’t pay God back for your sins. It took the blood of Christ to wash them because you can’t pay back for what you’ve done, and it becomes a futile battle that leads you into a spiral of bitterness that could just choke you.

“So greater and quicker is the healing to rise above it and just say, ‘Lord, let me walk in the light of understanding today that You’re with me, that You love me, that it’s okay.’”

Let it go. Free yourself from the bitterness and blame that will ultimately consume you. Write down Shelly’s words and repeat them as a daily prayer: Lord, let me walk in the light of understanding today that You’re with me, You love me, and that it’s okay.

“Come … let us walk in the light of the Lord …. The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned” (Isaiah 2:5, 9:2).

Lord, You’re with me, You love me, and it’s okay. Amen.

Coping With the Loss of a Child - Day 159

Coping With the Loss of a Child

Day 159

To lose a child of any age – from an infant to an adult child- is one of the greatest shocks a parent can experience. The death of a child is tragic and feels entirely wrong.

“It’s so out of sequence and just so unnatural when your child, whom you protected all your life, dies. Is there something you could have done to have spared this?” says Pastor Buck Buchanan.

This grief can be very deep. As Matthew 2:18 says, “A voice is heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because there are no more.”

God knows your sorrow, and no matter how dark or painful your situation, Jesus can bring you hope. Sometimes, though, you feel like rejecting that hope and embracing your despair, as if hopefulness is somehow a betrayal to your child. Do not let Satan manipulate your thoughts in that way. Seek God and allow Him to light your path.

Lord and Savior, You are the only one who knows my sorrow. My body is enveloped in pain and wracked with grief, but I know there is hope because of You. Help me to live out that hope. Amen. 

No Friend Like Jesus - Day 158

No Friend Like Jesus

Day 158

“I welcome anyone who may be processing grief, who does not have the resource of the person of Jesus Christ, to come to know Him as your personal Savior,” invites Dr. Joseph Stowell. “While you still may weep, and your stomach may still be in a knot, and your mind may be confused for the next six months, there will be a Friend who will walk with you and guide you through the depths of it all. There is no friend like Jesus!”

Don’t attempt to get through grief using your own strength and risking a temporal or shallow healing. Choose Christ so that your healing may be full and complete, and you will gain a friend like no other.

“When Jesus saw their faith, he said, ‘Friend, your sins are forgiven’” (Luke 5:20).

Lord Jesus, I want You to be master of my life. Please forgive me of my selfish sins, and lead on, Friend. Amen.

One Healing Relationship - Day 157

One Healing Relationship

Day 157

Remember, there is only one relationship that can heal your broken heart. Jesus Christ is the Great Healer. He has experienced what you have experienced; He alone knows your grief and suffering.

“In all their affliction He was afflicted, and the angel of His presence saved them; in His love and in His mercy He redeemed them; and He lifted them and carried them all the days of old” (Isaiah 63:9 NASB).

Don’t search for someone or something to fill the holes in your life. Let Jesus fill you. He is right there waiting for you with outstretched arms.

“After a certain period of time, I did want another person to fill the hole,” says Melissa, whose husband died, “but as I grew in the Lord, I knew that it wasn’t possible.”

Lord, true healing is found in a relationship with You. May I fall into Your embrace today. Amen. 

Keeping Your Mind on Jesus - Day 156

Keeping Your Mind on Jesus

Day 156

Controlling your thoughts is one of the most difficult things to do. You probably find it easy to worry, to daydream, to let your imagination run wild, and to let unbidden thoughts creep in and take over. But, oh, the repercussions of this lack of control.

God tells you in Philippians 4:8 where to direct your thoughts: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”

Daily prayer and Bible study will help you keep your mind on Christ Jesus and will help you stay in God’s will.

Holy God, today, through Your enabling, I will drive out unhealthy thoughts and replace them with Philippians 4:8 thoughts. Amen.

Bible Study - Day 155

Bible Study

Day 155

“When Christians are afraid about what lies ahead,” says Dr. Richard Bewes, “the greatest panacea is to read the Scriptures. Read the Scriptures day by day. It’s when you lose your anchorage in the Scriptures that you lose your hold upon life itself and upon the future.” With God, there is no need to fear. You can live each day on His sure foundation, certain about your life’s direction and your future. This assurance is found in the Bible. Listen to the benefits of reading the Scriptures:

“The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul. The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes. The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever. The ordinances of the LORD are sure and altogether righteous. They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb.” (Psalm 19:7-10)

God’s promises are for you. Your life can be transformed through Christ Jesus and through His Word. Seek His truth in the Holy Scriptures, and start living a new and abundant life right now. Let His Word be your anchor.

Lord God, forgive me for not faithfully reading the Bible. Help me to make a commitment and to stick with it. Amen. 

An Active Prayer Life - Day 154

An Active Prayer Life

Day 154

How can you know what God is saying to you if you only take time to listen every once in a while? Or if your prayers are mechanical and rushed? Or if the motivations behind your prayers are entirely self-serving?

Pray and listen. Daily, hourly. Pray and listen for His voice every morning when you wake up, throughout the day as you fulfill your daily tasks, and when you turn off the light at night.

First Thessalonians 5:17 instructs you to “pray continually.” What does that mean to you? The task may seem frustratingly impossible, but, praise God, it doesn’t have to be so.

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we out to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express” (Romans 8:26).

God’s Spirit lives within those who know Jesus as Lord and Savior. He knows your struggles, and He also knows the sincere desires of your heart. Praying continually in the Spirit is as easy as breathing. When you breathe in, whisper a prayer – a praise, a thank-you, an endearment, a cry, a question, or a fear.

Take a deep, relaxing breath right now and pray:

Holy Spirit, fill me; move through me; intercede with the Father for me; open my ears and quiet my heart to hear You today. Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.

Do God's Will - Day 153

Do God’s Will

Day 153

Where does God want to use you right now? What is His will for your life? You may feel that God is not speaking loud enough and is not answering your prayers fast enough for you to find out.

Keep yourself from “quick fixes” or “obvious answers” to your own prayers if you aren’t certain they are in God’s perfect plan. Persevere daily in listening to and learning from Him. He has not abandoned you. He is working for your best in all things.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

God, I commit my life to be used by You according to Your perfect plan. Amen. 

The Big Decision - Day 152

The Big Decision

Day 152

Remarriage?!!

The remarriage decision should be made in the context of

• The power of an active prayer life
• Personal study of God’s word
• The wisdom of godly counsel

“Don’t put God in a box,” says Jodie. “He sees your whole life from beginning to end. He sees one day when you’re old and your children are gone, what you will need. It is not His intention that a man or woman should be alone. He created Adam and Eve to be together, to be companions.”

God will not send everyone a second mate, but He will surely send you a companion, a true friend who will support you in your relationship with God and throughout life’s difficulties. No matter what decisions you are faced with, be it remarriage or something else entirely, you must equip yourself to decide wisely. First, decide to live your life through God’s power. Second, act on it, making all decisions in light of His Word.

“For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power” (1 Corinthians 4:20).

Lord God, I commit to active prayer, personal Bible study, and godly counsel before making the decision to remarry. I know that with this life commitment Your power will be unleashed in my life and all glory will belong to You. Amen. 

Godly Support from Others - Day 151

Godly Support from Others

Day 151

Praise God when you have received godly support and wise counsel from other people in your decision to remarry. Persevere in prayer if you do not yet have this blessing. Christ-based guidance and encouragement will help to direct your path.

Beth, now remarried, says, “My two daughters were extremely supportive. In many ways they had to be because I married a man who is a number of years younger than I am. My first husband had been a number of years older than I was. Maybe psychologically I thought, I don’t want to be a widow again. I don’t know. But my girls were supportive of that also.”

God wants you to seek the advice of others, and He will give you discernment to filter out the directions that are not from Him.

“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed” (Proverbs 15:22).

Wonderful Lord, all wisdom, power, counsel, and understanding belong to You. Lead me to those people who will support me in following Your path for my life. Amen.

Anticipatory Grief Not Understood - Day 150

Anticipatory Grief Not Understood

Day 150

Your spouse may have experienced a long illness before his or her death. As a result, this “anticipatory grief” enabled you to achieve a level of grieving beforehand. This doesn’t mean you will be exempt from grief and pain when your loved one dies – actually, you might be amazed at how much grieving you will still need to do. Anticipatory grief doesn’t make grieving easier, but it can shorten the process for some people.

As a result of anticipatory grief, you may be ready to build a new relationship earlier than others think is appropriate.

Dr. H. Norman Wright says: “A lot of the grieving will occur during time of sickness and decline. You will experience it together and maybe with other friends. After that grieving, it can take less time to get through the grieving process. So, at six months or eight months, a remaining spouse may begin looking around and wanting to build a new relationship, and other people may become judgmental.

“When somebody starts dating six months or so later and even marries within a year, it doesn’t mean that they did not have a good relationship. There is a lot of anticipatory grief that goes on.”

Let God’s words encourage you:

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer” (Romans 12:12).

Oh Lord, when people judge and misunderstand me, it hurts so much. But I don’t want to live my life to please them; I want to live my life to please You. May my words, thoughts, and decisions be pleasing to You today. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Others May Not Approve - Day 149

Others May Not Approve

Day 149

Even if the Lord brings a new mate into your life, you may encounter people who don’t approve of your remarriage.

“There were certain people, of course, who thought that a year was not long enough,” says Jodie after the death of her husband.

Can you truly say this person was sent to you from God for the purpose of remarrying?  If you have the godly assurance, then make your decisions based on His plan, not on the opinions of others.

Keep in mind that these people may disapprove only because they want what’s best for you. Pray for them to know and understand God’s will, and do not be embarrassed or ashamed about your remarriage decision.

“Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood” (Isaiah 54:4).

Holy God, speak Your words of love through me so that others may come to know You as a result of my life and my new relationship. Amen. 

Feelings Guilty? - Day 148

Feeling Guilty?

Day 148

After an appropriate time of grieving the death of your spouse and after experiencing personal healing from your loss, you might consider dating. New dating relationships can cause you to feel guilty. You may feel you shouldn’t be having fun and that you are being disloyal to your lost spouse. These feelings are certainly natural and will take some time getting over.

“When you first start dating, you feel guilty for enjoying yourself. That was a little awkward getting past,” says Marie, who lost her husband.

You are not betraying or abandoning your loved one by dating again. God does not want you to feel guilty about this. You are free to date, and you are free to not date.

“This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything” (1 John 3:19-20).

Heavenly Jesus, You are greater than all my worries. I bow down to Your wisdom for my life. Amen. 

Freedom to Remarry - Day 147

Freedom to Remarry

Day 147

God may at some point bring another person into your life, and you are then free to pursue a relationship. You may have to give yourself permission to do so because of the loyalty you feel to the spouse you have lost. He or she will always be a part of your life; you are not being disloyal by moving forward again.

“I did have to give myself permission to date again,” says Jodie, who lost her husband, “but I really was not looking for a second husband. I guess the Lord just opened my eyes when it was time.”

God will provide in a way that is right for you. In the meantime, walk in the freedom that God has for you.

“You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge in sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love” (Galatians 5:13).

Lord God, make sense of my conflicting thoughts and emotions, and give me wisdom in the decisions I make today. Amen.

Contributing to a New Relationship - Day 146

Contributing to a New Relationship

Day 146

If parts of you are still broken or needy, another person can feel attracted to the idea of helping to repair or rebuild you.  That individual may feel falsely strengthened by the idea that you need him or her to grow and heal, when, in fact, it is God whom you both need.

Before pursuing a new relationship, think about what you will contribute to that relationship, not what you “need” or what you can bring to a new relationship. The attitudes, qualities, and wisdom you bring to a new relationship should strengthen the relationship, causing both individuals to draw closer to God.

“’Who is he who will devote himself to be close to me?’ declares the Lord. ‘So you will be my people, and I will be your God’” (Jeremiah 30:21-22).

Lord Jesus, I devote my life to You. I pray that everyone who comes in contact with me will see a glimpse of You and that any new relationship I might be involved in is created on You. Amen. 

Men Often Rush Marriage - Day 145

Men Often Rush Marriage

Day 145

Men are more likely than women to jump into a new relationship prematurely. Women often already have a network of relationships to support them in times of grieving, whereas a man’s only close relationship was with his wife.

Jim Grassi, internationally known outdoorsman, recommends that men take time together away from the hustle and bustle of daily life and spend time studying God’s Word and sharing with one another in God’s great outdoors.

He says, “Jesus was a practical, real guy, and He dealt with real guys. He asked them to put down their musty nets and go out and fish for men instead of fishing for fish. He had those quiet times with the guys, and He took them to places that were different. He took them out of Capernaum and put them into other settings where He could have that time.  In His own life when He went out in the wilderness for forty days, He went to a different place than He was used to so that He could listen to God.”

Follow Christ’s example for your life and put down your own musty nets of thoughts and emotions. Call a friend or a group of friends and make plans to go camping, fishing, or hiking in God’s creation. And when you get there, read God’s Word together and listen and share.

“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge (Psalm 19:1-2).

Jesus, show me how I can get away from the busyness of my daily life and find a place to meet with You. Amen. 

Remarriage: Decide Deliberately - Day 144

Remarriage: Decide Deliberately

Day 144

Make the decision not to make any big decisions too quickly.  Give God time to heal your heart and to minister to you. He knows what you need and when you need it.

Dr. Ray Pritchard describes three decisions that a person who has lost a spouse must make:

“Decision number one is ‘In my pain and in my grief am I willing to trust God, and am I completely committed to doing His will even when things are tumbling in around me?’

Decision number two is this: ‘What are the basic responsibilities of my life and am I willing to do them?’

“And number three: Make the decision that you’re not going to make any big decisions very quickly. Give God time to heal your heart. Give Him time to wrap His arms around you. Give Him time for the body of Christ to minister to you. I think it is often a mistake to jump into another relationship too soon after you have lost a mate.”

Commit yourself to God first and to your current responsibilities next.

“So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good” ( 1 Peter 4:19).

Faithful Creator, I will take my time making these big decisions and just rest and trust in You. Amen.

God Will Provide - Day 143

God Will Provide

Day 143

“I’m finally at a point  where I can honestly say if I don’t get married again, it’s fine, because the Lord is my husband,” says Margi, whose husband died.

Trust God in your pain. Commit yourself to Him. Remember, He sees your whole life from beginning to end. He knows what you need better than you or anyone else!

“He placed his right hand on me and said: ‘Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last’” (Revelation 1:17).

Some people feel a need to remarry and others do not. Although we have been talking about remarriage, not everyone wants to remarry or should remarry. God has a future planned just for you.

Jesus, You are all I need. I don’t know what my future holds, buy I know that all things will work out for the best if You are in control. Amen.

Your New Relationship – Day 142

Your New Relationship

Day 142

Ask yourself two questions: Is my new relationship God-centered or me-centered? Why do I want this new relationship?

Gretchen says, “Over the years I have seen people so desperate for marriage right after their husbands had died. They were so desperate to get married again that they would just run the men down. I’ve seen men do the same thing with women. They would think, I just can’t do without a person in the house with me, and it didn’t work out. It wasn’t God-centered. It was me-centered.”

Take an honest look at your new relationship and decide if this relationship will bring honor and glory to God. If you aren’t sure, then wait, pray, and seek God’s guidance to distinguish His will from your will. His will is always best for you.

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2).

Thy will be done, Lord, not mine. Amen.

Why Remarry? – Day 141

Why Remarry?

Day 141

Do you need this new relationship to feel whole?

If you answered “Yes” to the above question, then you are not ready for the potential of remarriage.

If you answered “No,” then spend some time thinking carefully about why you want to remarry.

Gretchen advises, “To those people who hurry into marriage and feel like they cannot get by without having a partner, I would say above everything else, ‘Just get on your hands and knees and pray to the Lord.’ If He doesn’t send the person there, you might as well hang it up. It’s not going to work out. If it’s not from the Lord, I’d rather stay single.”

Don’t rush into remarriage to deaden the pain of your grief; you will simply bring that pain into the new relationship. New relationships must  be built on one foundation.

“But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete” (Luke 6:49).

Strong Father, may the building blocks of this relationship come only from You. Amen.

Don’t Rush into Remarriage – Day 140

Don’t Rush into Remarriage

Day 140

Dr. Jim Conway says, “In the early days of losing Sally, it was a desperateness, ‘What am I going to do for all of the holes that have been left by her death?’ And so the logical thing, you think, is to find somebody else who can help you in all of these areas of life. She was not just a wife. We wrote books together; we traveled together; we stood side by side as we did seminars; we managed the office together; we did the counseling together. We were just totally intertwined.

“In the early days of panic there’s this urgency to try to replace that, but it’s the worst time to do this because you’re just under so much other stress. The choices you make would be panic choices instead of choices that are best for you.”

You are only ready for the potential of remarriage when you no longer need that relationship to feel whole. Let God fill your gaping holes, and trust Him to direct the paths of your future relationships. Your relationship with God must be your primary concern.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13).

Holy Spirit, I trust in You to fill me and to guide me. Give me Your hope that overflows. Amen.

Remarriage? – Day 139

Remarriage?

Day 139

Your source of wholeness and identity should come from your relationship with the Lord, not from another person. It is only when you are truly living for the Lord and are fully content to accept Him as your sole provider that He would send another mate into your life.

Do not rush into remarriage.

“We’re in a hurry-up, throwaway, disposable, microwavable world,” says Gretchen, a widow. “And we do not want to wait. God doesn’t do everything yesterday. He answers our prayers, but it’s ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ and ‘Wait.’ Most of the time it’s ‘Wait.’ It’s in His timing and not our timing. We want everything in our timing.”

Be satisfied with your singleness, and let God supply your needs according to His perfect plan.

“He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all – how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” (Romans 8:32).

Savior God, I want to know You more fully than I do now. Amen.

Let the Peace of God Reign – Day 138

Let the Peace of God Reign

Day 138

Are you letting God’s peace reign in your life? Every time something else threatens to take over your life – unwelcome thoughts or emotions – grasp onto His peace and rely on His eternal promises.

“There’s a verse in Colossians that says, ‘Let His peace reign in Your heart,’” says Ruth, whose husband died. “Every time I realized I wasn’t letting it reign, I would just grab back onto what the Lord had told me and let it reign.:

It is truly possible to let peace rule your life.

“Let the peace of Christ rule your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful” (Colossians 3:15).

Lord Jesus, I want to let Your peace take the throne of my life. Amen.

The Lord Will Be Your Husband – Day 137

The Lord Will Be Your Husband

Day 137

“The Scripture that really turned my life around was Isaiah 54,” says Melissa. “When I read it the day after my husband died, it was very personal to me. It was written just for me. God said that He would be my husband, and for every single woman out there, He said He will be your husband. He’s the best provider you could ever have, and He’s the best husband that you ever dreamed of.”

Melissa discovered that although she had known Jesus as her Savior, she had never relied on Him as her provider.

“For your Maker is your husband – the LORD Almighty is his name – the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth” (Isaiah 54:5).

Pick up your Bible and talk to Him. Let Him fill your life.

Lord, I need to know you. You as my husband and provider. Show me how. Amen. 

The Lord is Your Helper – Day 136

The Lord is Your Helper

Day 136

In your grieving, who or what has been your greatest resources? Who have you relied on the most to help you through?

Let God be your most important resource; you must let Him help.

“So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?’” (Hebrews 13:6).

God’s strength is available at any given moment, but you must continue to use it.

Melba, whose husband died, says, “I felt the strength of the Lord from the very beginning. Actually, I thought being alone was just going to be terrible. And it hasn’t been terrible. I’m coping with it.”

Lord Jesus, I know Your strength is available, but sometimes I don’t feel it. Help me to understand that Your strength, stability, and security is so much more than just a feeling inside. Amen. 

~seeing as my family has either died, abandoned or just got on with their lives, I have turned to the Lord for help. It is when I turn to him that I notice I find a sense of calm, for a while anyway. I think I perpetuate a lot of the anxiety and hurt in that I just can't seem to let go. I can't seem to move past the fact that I miss my mom and my sister. That I miss their faces and their voices. I miss their laughs. I miss my sister's funny and corny sense of humor. -le sigh-

Another Step in Saying Good-Bye – Day 135

Another Step in Saying Good-Bye

Day 135

Sooner or later you are faced with the necessary step of dealing with your spouse’s possessions. This is an important part of saying good-bye. Again, don’t rush the grieving process; just follow this step when you are ready.

Margi had some dear friends who spend the last week of her husband’s life at her house helping out. These friends were having financial troubles, and after her husband’s death, Margi chose to give her husband’s nice work clothes to them. She also remembered her husband’s ex-students, neighborhood boys who knew him, and, of course, her son.

She says: “My husband probably had a hundred ties. I gave them away to different people because I knew that my husband had touched their lives in some way, and they would have a part of him.

“I knew that it meant something to others, and that’s why I was able to give it away. My husband had a lot of little articles, like little cedar chests. He had one of those from when he was a boy my son’s age. So I gave it to my son one Christmas and then an arrowhead collection and several things like that.”

Your spouse’s memory can live on in the lives of loved ones around you. Who can you touch today with a memory of your spouse?

“I thank my God every time I remember you” (Philippians 1:3).

Lord God, may the precious memories of my spouse bring joy to me and to those around me. Amen.

~no spouse, but going through my mom's things and my sister's things weren't for the faint of heart. 

Saying Good-Bye – Day 134

Saying Good-Bye

Day 134

Saying good-bye is not a one-time action. It is a process with many different steps, difficult steps. It’s okay if you don’t feel ready for this now. Understand that saying good-bye occurs gradually over time.

One step is to visit the places you used to go as a couple, and create new memories there.

Virgil’s wife died. He says, “My one son came over and said, ‘Dad, you’ve got to get out. Mom’s not coming back.’ Grief recovery means being able to move forward in spite of the pain.”

The Lord God will go before you and will enable you to say good-bye.

“Righteousness goes before him and prepares the way for his steps” (Psalm 85:13).

Righteous God, strengthen me, one step at a time, to face the old precious memories and to create wonderful new ones. Amen.

~I've said goodbye a million times over and still part of me is in disbelief that my rocks are gone. Perhaps I was naive in thinking that I would always be supported in one way or another and this was my lesson to learn when the rug got pulled from under me ... TWICE.  However, maybe just maybe this isn't my story anyway. Perhaps I am just a piece of their story and because I loved them so very much, I am hurting, but that is because I loved wholeheartedly and the stronger you love, the more and longer you will hurt/grieve. Or at least that is what I've read and have been told.  I just keep praying for peace. 

Moving On – Day 133

Moving On

Day 133

A journey through grief completely consumes your time, energy, and thoughts. You walk through life oblivious to what is happening around you. This overwhelming consumption will gradually cease as you move forward through grief.

“There was a time after my husband passed away that people would as me how I was doing,” says Marie. “I would say that I’m getting through this second by second. Then, it was minute by minute. Then one day I realized that I was coming along quite well. One day, I went outside and looked up and there was the sky. I hadn’t seen the sky in years or head the birds because I was just so consumed with everything.”

Your hope lies in God. Cast your cares on Him; lay your burdens at His feet. In His great compassion and love, He will sustain you.

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3: 21-23).

Holy Lord, I want to hear the birds and see Your sky again. Amen.

Responding to Loss – Day 132

Responding to Loss

Day 132

In Genesis 23, the Bible relates the story of the death and burial of Sarah, Abraham’s wife. The chapter begins, “Sarah lived to be a hundred and twenty-seven years old. She died at Kiriath Arba (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan, and Abraham went to mourn for Sarah and to weep for her.”

Abraham’s immediate response was to mourn and weep for his wife. He made a clear choice to mourn. How have you done this?

Rev. Noel Castellanos says that in healthy grieving “there are more than just a few tears. There is a real sense of honesty about the pain. To deal with grief in a healthy way, there has to be a time of just expressing your deep hurt.”

Holy God, I choose to mourn and to express my grief freely, knowing that this is the only path to healing. Amen.

~I feel like I have cried me a river. I still well up with tears, well, like now writing this. I miss my mom and sister every single day. I just choose to make the best of the day and to enjoy my son, even on those days when I threaten to send him away. I get overwhelmed and I am human. I have been superwoman for a good while now, and there will be times that I break, but I think all in all, I have done quite well in my despair and grief. I know that this is a process and I will have set backs, but I imagine the set backs to just be pull backs getting ready to catapult me forward like a slingshot.  It sounds good anyway. 

Discover Your Inner Resources – Day 131

Discover Your Inner Resources

Day 131

You may be surprised at what you can do when you don’t have any alternative.

“You will make it through,” says Beth, whose husband died. “It’s like a deep tunnel, and you’re in the middle of the tunnel. There’s no light at all, and you don’t think you’re going to make it. But if you just keep pressing on toward the Lord, you will make it to the end. That is a promise.”

Keep pressing on. You will make it.

“But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength … and I was delivered from the lion’s mouth” (2 Timothy 4:17).

Lord, I will keep taking one step at a time. Deliver me from my weaknesses and doubts. Amen.

~I am surprised more and more each day that I am able to get up and function when my heart is still so very hurt and sad. I just keep pressing on. :)

Competing Emotional Needs – Day 130

Competing Emotional Needs

Day 130

As a parent, especially if you have younger children living at home, you have the extra burden of giving comfort and encouragement to them, even as you need the same comfort and encouragement yourself.

Jodie, whose husband died, says, “I was parenting on my own. I was doing this hectic teaching schedule. I needed to be strong for my sons. At night I would cry and cry unto the Lord.

“The Lord proved Himself so faithful. One of the things that I have learned is that God has all the resources I need. I had a real concern about raising my children by myself. I prayed a lot for guidance and wisdom and strength. God gave me one verse that says, “He’ll gently lead those who are with young.’ I took that to heart and knew it was from the Lord.”

The Lord is your shepherd. He will care for you, protect you, comfort you, and lead you.

“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young” (Isaiah 40:11).

Shepherd me, Lord. Amen.

~Justice is way to young to remember. He knows that momma gets sad about mimi and auntie boobies, but he doesn't grasp that they were in his every day and now are not. He was too young and spared the losses to my degree. I went through the motions for 2 years. I don't remember or know how I functioned, but I am a survivor, not a victim to this new reality. Part of me wishes that I remembered the old me.  :(

Determine Your Responsibilities – Day 129

Determine Your Responsibilities

Day 129

You have certain responsibilities and commitments you must fulfill each day regardless of how you feel about them and regardless of how you feel on that particular day. These responsibilities may have multiplied since the loss of your loved one.

“Right after the accident the main thing was to keep my children’s lives as normal as possible,” says Heidi.

Make a list of your daily responsibilities and consider asking other family members and friends to take care of several items on your list. Then commit yourself daily to getting up and fulfilling each of your remaining responsibilities in a way that pleases God.

“The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty” (Proverbs 21:5).

Lord and Savior, when my responsibilities overwhelm me, help me to face them with a heart attitude that pleases You. Amen.

~ This was hard for me. I wasn't able to shut down. I had a 15 month old to take care of. A house to pack up and an apartment to find. I had a new reality that was a lot of people less in my life. 

I have come to realize that losing my sister also meant losing my brother-in-law and my 3 nephews. It meant not seeing that other side of the family. My stepdad left my mom in January and we got the divorce papers the day before my sister died. Then my stepdad didn't even go see my mom when she was in the hospital for a week before her death. I lost my stepdad and my son lost his pawpaw when he walked out the door. My sister lost the bond she had with her father. He, in essence, abandoned us.  We weren't just attached to one or two lives, we were attached to many. Suddenly, my circle of family got a lot smaller. 

Endless Details – Day 128

Endless Details

Day 128

The loss of a spouse leaves you with endless details and paperwork at a time when you are not emotionally equipped for such matters.

Marilyn shares: “Some of them are just little legal things you have to go through. All of a sudden you can’t do it this way anymore; it has to be that way. You have to mark the dreaded box ‘widow.’ You realize suddenly you have become a different identity. But when I’ve really prayed over these things, the Lord has given me peace that I’ll get through this.”

The Lord is faithful, and you will meet and accomplish one detail at a time, one day at a time, by His strength.

“For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:10).

Lord Jesus, Your power shines through me when I admit my weakness and my dependence on You. By Your grace I am stronger than I ever was before. Amen.

~ I lost my mother and my sister. Going through their things was heartbreaking. Seeing what I had left after we passed out their belongings was even worse. I couldn't believe that after all was said and done, I was able to pack my mom away in to a few boxes. 

My stepdad left. My sister was gone. My mom was gone. I had to pack up a 5 bedroom house and get down to a small 2 bedroom apartment. It was the worst experience in my life to have to do those things that needed to be done after losing my reality.