The First Principle of the Journey: Be Honest - Day 43

The First Principle of the Journey: Be Honest
Day 43

Do you embrace honesty as a foundational principle in your life?

If yes, then honestly evaluate your emotions right now. What emotions and struggles have you experienced from the first moment of your grief until now, including those you have not admitted to others? Be honest with yourself and with other people.

"When you are suffering, you may sometimes tend to withdraw, pull back, and pull away," says Anne Graham Lotz. "I do think there is a time for that, and each day you should spend time alone with the Lord. But don't forsake other people, because other people can give you comfort and encouragement and help you keep your focus. Sometimes you can get so preoccupied with the problem that it consumes you. Other people can help give you a balance."

God wants you to be truthful with yourself and with other people. He wants to free you from the debilitating effects of withdrawing and hiding your emotions. Jesus says in the book of John that "the truth will set you free." Read the book of John to learn more about Jesus' teaching, His truth, and true freedom.

"Jesus said, 'If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free ... So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed" (John 8:31-32, 36).

Lord Jesus, I want to be set free. Amen.

~ Yes, I do. So heavy is the burden of telling the lie "i am alright" or "i am doing just fine" when inside I am screaming "I just need a hug today" or "I need a break from myself and while I love my child, I need a break from him as well". Grieving doesn't stop to let you do the things you need to do in order to get things done. There are days when I would just need to lay in bed and I did. It was hard to get up out of bed and focus on anything. I would get up just to feed Justice, but then would lay right back down and sleep with one eye open so that I could hear if he was up to no good (which he never really was).  It is hard to be a single mom all by itself, it is even more complex and difficult when you are struggling with depression and debilitating sadness and emotions from grief.  I think I still hide my emotions when people ask me how I am doing and I do it because I don't want to have to explain nor do I want to hear them tell me what people say to people who "should be over it by now".  I know they mean well, but it is like they dismiss my feelings to move on and keep from having their own. I can't make someone feel anything nor do I want anyone to feel anything they don't want to. No one truly will know the pain I feel and the anguish I suffer because they didn't have the relationships with those two women like I did. They don't mourn the way I do or to the depth. That doesn't mean that they are better or I am better or anyone else is better; it just makes us different and unique and that is what grief is. It is unique to each of us and we just have to find a way to go through it.