Identify Your Losses - Day 10

Identify Your Losses
Day 10

One reason grief disrupts so many aspects of your life is because your loss is not one isolated loss. You will miss so many qualities and facets of the person you lost that each will become an opportunity to experience grief.

The range of things you need to grieve for may surprise you.  Identify your losses and be prepared to grieve for each one.

Use the list below as a starting point.

• your companion
• your lover
• your encourager
• your "entertainer"
• your source of delight
• the one who shares your private jokes
• your breadwinner
• the one who knows you so well
• your housekeeper
• the shoulder on which you cry
• your cook
• the arms that embrace and comfort you
• your mechanic
• the one who always cheers you
• your friend
• your pride and joy

Your list will go on and on. Say your losses out loud to God; speak until you run out of words to say. He knows your deepest needs, and He alone can provide. Do not skip this step.

"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus" (Phillippians 4:19).

O God, I have lost so much. Who will fill these gaping holes within me? You, Lord -- yes, You. Amen.

~ I was just thinking this very thing on the 20th and the days leading up to the anniversary of the loss of my sister.  I was making a list of all the things that she was in my life that are now gone. I have prayed for someone to come into my life to make it better.  It turns out that God is the one. He sent Himself into my life so that I could heal myself in order to be ready for a companion to be in my life. I have decided that I don't want to be "Amber the grieving" anymore. I don't want to be known as the girl who lost her sister and her mother in 2010. I had given myself the title of single mother and that was a badge of honor and yet it also became a burden. I love my child and he is my reason for living. However, I don't want to be known as "Amber the single mother" because it isn't a burden for anyone else to bear. It was my choice and my blessing.  I will always bring up my sister and my mother and it will be for others to remember and get to know their legacy and the wonderful people that they were. They may not be here in presence, but they are certainly here in memory. It is just up to me to remember to honor their memories and continue to remind myself and my son of the beautiful women they were. 

Kathy was:

• my best friend
• my confidant
• my biggest supporter
• my personal cheerleader
• my child care provider
• my child's aunt
• my sister's sister
• my every day conversationalist
• my nephews' mother
• my dad's daughter
• my mother's daughter

This list isn't finished, it is just that I just realized that I mourn not only for myself, but for others and this is because I love my family so much. 

My mom was:

• my mother
• my biggest supporter next to my sister
• the person that could make me feel better if I wasn't feeling well
• my sister's mother
• my son's grandmother
• my son's caregiver
• my friend

I was her caregiver to and in a way I feel like I failed her by all the what ifs of the days leading up to her being admitted to the hospital. I feel some remorse that we didn't get an autopsy to find out what else was going on with her. She had a metal thing in her back and so she couldn't have a lot of tests because of it. There could have been more wrong with her and we just didn't know. I can't change it. I can't dwell on it. I just have to accept what is and know that I did what I thought was best for her.