Men in Grief - Day 35

Men in Grief
Day 35

As you go through life, you fight stereotypes and popular misconceptions. Several notions exist about how "real men" should act in different situations.

Take a moment to identify your own ideas about how men should "handle" grief. When did you form this opinion? Who modeled this behavior for you? Who might be looking to you as a role model?

Here are some comments from men who have experienced grief:

"In our culture especially," say Rev. Noel Castellanos, "the whole macho thing is very prevelant. I think men are afraid to express their feelings. We haven't had too many people show us how to do that. I remember being very moved when I first became a believer as I saw strong Christian men who had the ability to cry and share their weakness and hurt."

Virgil, whose wife died, observes, "Men, as little kids, are told not to cry and it carries through. To solve this problem, fathers should let their little boys cry. It doesn't hurt a thing. It's an emotion God gives us."

"Christ was a man's man," says Jim Grassi. "Eight of the twelve disciples were fishermen. At times, the disciples wept and they felt grief. They had all the normal emotions that God intended people to have."

David, a warrior and king, pours out his emotions to God throughout the Psalms: "I am bowed down and brought very low; all day long I go about mourning ... I am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart ... For I am about to fall, and my pain is ever with me" (Psalm 38:6, 8, 17).

Almighty God, let my prayer be like David's prayers. Teach me what manhood really is. Open my heart and mind to want this change. Amen.

~ I am not a man, so I don't have this stigma on me. I am a fully emotional woman so I show my hurt outwardly. I am teaching my son that it is okay to cry. I hear people tell their sons to "buck up" or "you are a boy" .. but what are we really telling our sons when we tell them this??!!??
I think we are setting them up for harder times by not allowing them to show their emotions. If it hurts, then tell someone. If it hurts your heart, then it is okay to cry and share those feelings. I don't want my child to be afraid to show his feelings and/or share them. I think the "real men" are those that have emotions, feelings, can cry and have God in their lives.