Loss of Purpose and Direction - Day 122

Loss of Purpose and Direction 
Day 122

You may feel as though you have no purpose, that there's nothing left for you to do This feeling can be particularly strong if your spouse underwent a long illness and you had put all your time and energy into caring for him or her.

"Don't get caught up in the fact that you have lost someone," says Patricia, who is a widow, "but that God has something out there for you and that your life is not over. It may be the beginning of something very special that He has planned for you. It may be something that you would not be able to do if He had kept that one person on earth with you."

You are going to have a new, changed identity. God is calling you for a specific purpose, and you can trust Him to accomplish His purpose in your life.

"I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills (his purpose) for me" (Psalm 57:2).

"The LORD will fulfill [his purpose] for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever -- do not abandon the works of your hands" (Psalm 138:8).

Lord God, I don't feel purposeful at all right now, but I'm starting to be curious about what it is You want me to do. Amen.

~ It took me a long time to find myself again. I was in a shadow or fog for two years. I don't remember much of the happenings of those two years. I was just going through the motions. I got lost because I suddenly didn't know how to be myself when what I considered to be myself was wrapped up in seeing my sister daily and talking to her throughout the day. I would talk to my mom and see her every night before I went to bed. I suddenly didn't have either of them and I had to move out of our house within a month after that. It was too much too soon for me to handle. My reality was gone. I was going to need to find and figure out what my new reality was and not get lost in what I no longer had. I needed to start living again and not just staying stagnant. I wasn't functioning well, which for a single mom to a 15 month old isn't a good thing. I suddenly lost my son's caregiver and I was my mother's keeper. I didn't have her to check on and to make sure she took her medicine and make sure that she ate. It became too much too soon and I felt lost. The family and friends only stay around for a short amount of time. They all eventually go back to their own lives. It is then that you have to decide if you are going to wallow in self pity or if you are going to stand up on your own two feet again and face this new reality head on. It took me 2 years to figure out that I was ready to stand up and fight again. It took me until this year (3 years after their passing) to get to a point where I am my own person and I don't dwell or harp on the fact that I am missing my sister and my mother. I still feel alone sometimes, but I have another sister. I have aunts and cousins. I have friends. I am more blessed that I ever realized and that is okay. It is now the time to awaken and not take for granted what isn't promised, because tomorrow isn't promised.