Communicating in Grief – Day 342

Communicating in Grief

Day 342

Although you have experienced grief, you may be hesitant to approach others who are bereaved. Not knowing what to say, you may tend to avoid them. There is no “right” thing to say. It is just your heart of concern and love that you need to express. Be genuine.

These suggestions will help you interact with grieving people:

• Remain calm and nonjudgemental.
• Use direct and specific language (naming times, places, and names) to help them reorient from the “blur” of grief events.
• Mention the deceased by name.
• Do not say that you know how they feel. Each loss is unique.
• Do not tell them how good they look to avoid talking about how bad they feel.
• Encourage them to talk about life as it existed before their loss.
• Show your humanity.
• Do not be afraid to gently touch them.
• Let them cry and express their emotions.
• Be willing to listen, especially in the evening.
• If they want to talk about their loss, do not change the subject to a lighter topic.
• Take your conversation cues from them. Silence is okay.
• Make several short visits.
• Visit during the weeks after the funeral when others get back to normal life, but the deeply grieving person cannot.
• Let them make plans.
• Minister to the whole family, but do not let them “attach” to you in an unhealthy manner.

“Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart” (1 Peter 1:22).

Holy God, give me the words to say and help this person know I am sincere. Amen. 

Lessons You Have Learned – Day 341

Lessons You Have Learned

Day 341

Keep your grief in perspective by remembering these truths you have learned:

• Other people have experienced grief.
• Your feelings are as unique as you are.
• You can use the lessons you learn in grief to help others.
• People in grief do not need sermons or lectures.
• In grief, people often must tell their stories over and over.

Your pain and sorrows can become the bridge to reach out and to minister to others, bringing healing to both you and them.

“Comfort, comfort my people, says your God” (Isaiah 40:1).

God of my comfort, help me to keep my grief in perspective and to use it to help others. Amen. 

Practical Help – Day 340

Practical Help

Day 340

Don’t underestimate the value of giving practical help. But be observant. The kind of help needed will vary from one person to another.

Barbara Johnson shares, “I wished people would have just come and told me they loved me and that God loved me, and then helped me feed the dog, take care of the house, dump the garbage, do some things like that. Doing practical things for me would have been good because so many things they said were causing turmoil for me rather than comfort. So I learned that the words should be few and that it is better to do practical things to help the family. Bring some casseroles; feed the children; do the laundry.”

If you could use practical help, ask for it. People want to help and usually find it easier to help with a specific task or responsibility.

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets” (Matthew 7:12).

Receive help with open arms and an appreciative outlook. Offer help with the same caring attitude.

Lord God, even when I’m not sure how another person will respond to my overtures, give me the courage to find a practical way to help and to just do it! Amen.

Having a Grief Night – Day 339

Having a Grief Night

Day 339

There is great strength in community, the coming together in Christ and building up of one another to love and good deeds.  And there are times when a person needs community more than ever. Dr. Larry Crabb shares how his Sunday school class has responded to this need by implementing a practice called a grief night.

“We’re there basically to pour something of the reality of Christ into one who is bereaved,” says Dr. Crabb.

Here are the steps to holding a grief night for a person who is grieving:

1. Plan a time to meet together as a group.
2. To being the grief night, light a candle to symbolize the one who is not there.
3. Have others ask the grieving person random questions about the loved one who has died to get to know the deceased individual better. “What do you miss the most about your loved one?” “What places or smells bring back special memories?” Also ask tough questions such as, “Did your lost loved one make financial and other preparations for those they would leave behind?” Let the person talk.
4. After about an hour of questions, tears, sharing, take time to respond to the grieving person. This is not a time for platitudes and advice, but for a pouring out of love and connectedness from one heart to another.
5. Next is prayer time. Have the grieving person sit in the center of the group, and people who want to can lay their hands on the bereaved person. Then come before God in worship and in pleading and petition for the bereaved.
6. Last is song time. Sing favorites of the one who died or of the one who is grieving.

“Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Hebrews 10:25).

Loving Father, healing is possible in the community of believers. Lead me to meet together regularly with other people who believe in You. Amen.

Helping Another Person In Grief – Day 338

Helping Another Person In Grief

Day 338

Not everyone reacts to loss the same. Some may pursue help. Others may avoid it. That can be a sign they are not doing well. You may need to gently and tactfully go after them.

You might be tempted to day, ‘Oh, someone else will help him. I hardly know him anyway.” Or you might think, She really doesn’t want my help.

In grief, the rules have changed. Step in and help. Worrying about discomfort or embarrassment is not relevant in grief. People need other people to intervene regardless of societal conventions.

“He saw that there was no one, he was appalled that there was no one to intervene” (Isaiah 59:16).

Lord, I need to get over my uncertainty about how to help others or whether to help. Help me to step out in faith and gently bring comfort to another person in grief. Amen.

Words of Comfort – Day 337

Words of Comfort

Day 337

When sharing with someone else who is grieving, words often fail you. Do talk. That person needs to hear from you, but let your words be few and specific.

Emy, who lost her husband, advises, “People shouldn’t say, ‘How are you?’ They should ask about a specific area: ‘Is your health better?’ or ‘Are you getting out more?’, something like that rather than making an open-ended question.”

Don’t just offer empty words of encouragement. Find out what is really going on in another person’s life, and keep track of how he or she is progressing through the struggle. Comforting another person with the love of Christ is necessary for your own healing as you being to better understand the strength and peace found in a life lived for Jesus.

“For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows” (2 Corinthians 1:5).

Holy Jesus, may my words be few, but focused and sincere, as I seek to comfort another grieving person with Your love. Amen.

Give Permission to Grieve – Day 336

Give Permission to Grieve

Day 336

An important ministry you have to other people is to validate their individual losses. You will not tend to trivialize their losses by giving quick, easy answers. Rather, you know it is better to stand alongside them and feel what they are going through. By doing this, you give them permission to grieve.

Dr. Robert Jeffress states, “Christians need to be given permission to grieve. They do not need to feel like they’ve fallen if they are grieving. They need to be reminded that what they are experiencing is normal.

“I believe the Bible, the Word of God is alive; it’s active; it’s sharper than any two-edged sword. But grieving people do not need to be bombarded with Bible verses. I think sometimes the best thing to do for grieving Christians is just to be there, to be silent, and when the time is right, to share a truth that might help them.”

You have suffered and are still suffering. Many people around you are suffering as well. Sometimes it is hard to notice because in today’s culture, hiding true feelings is common and often expected. The Bible tells you to share in your sufferings. It also says to share in your comfort.

“Our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:7).

Lord God, someone around me needs to grieve. He or she may be holding it back and suffering even more because of that. I want to help that person understand it is okay and necessary to grieve. Amen.

Everyone Has a Ministry – Day 335

Everyone Has a Ministry

Day 335

The Bible often compares the church to the human body with many members and many parts. Each part is needed for the body to function properly. In the church there are many members, and each one has something important to give.

“From him [Jesus] the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work” (Ephesians 4:16).

The church is called the body of Christ. There is a definite, life-giving connection between everyone in the church body. Life flows form one person to another and back again.

“Somebody who has experienced the comfort of God knows that he or she has something to pour,” says Dr. Larry Crabb. “I love the word pour. It’s a metaphor that doesn’t feel clinical; it feels alive. There’s something within the person who has been comforted that can actually pour into the other and bathe his or her soul.”

Lord Jesus Christ, I am part of Your body. Help me pour Your comfort into another person who needs it. Amen.

The Courage to Listen – Day 334

The Courage to Listen

Day 334

Dr. Larry Crabb describes this scenario: “You’re sitting next to somebody in church or maybe in a small-group setting. It’s coffee break time and the person obviously is distressed. Your initial inclination is ‘Let me see if I can’t go have coffee with somebody else, because if I stay with this person who is hurting, I won’t know what to do. Let me go chat with some buddies and some friends where I feel adequate.’”

He continues, “We tend to underestimate the profound power of listening.  We think of that as anemic: ‘Well, at least I listed, but what good does that do?’ I think the biggest lesson I’ve learned as a friend or as a husband or as a counselor is this: It isn’t what I know or my competence that makes the difference; it’s when I find the courage to be there in the presence of God, that’s where the difference is found.”

Be courageous; do not stay where you feel comfortable and safe. Take a chance for someone else today and listen. Listen to God urging you forward and listen attentively to someone who is hurting. When a person sees that you are truly listening, that person feels valued. This validation brings deep healing.

“He who answers before listening – that is his folly and his shame” (Proverbs 18:13).

God, I feel very inadequate sometimes. Teach me that with You in my life, I am complete, and my presence is needed to help others who are hurting. Amen. 

Be Available to Help Others – Day 333

Be Available to Help Others

Day 333

Elisabeth Elliot says, “My advice would certainly be quit thinking about yourself. Don’t look around the room and wonder why nobody wants to pay attention to you, thinking about yourself, Are the people not remembering that I’m a widow?

“Forget all that and look for someone who looks a little lonely and go and try to encourage that person. Isaiah 58:10 has been a great watchword for me: If you pour yourself out for the hungry, then the Lord is going to satisfy your needs and you will become like a watered garden.”

You may think you have nothing to offer right now. But, remember, when people are in the midst of a deep struggle, they need someone who cares, someone who will just be with them.

“If you give yourself to the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then your light will rise in darkness and your gloom will become like midday. And the Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and give strength to your bones; and you will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail” (Isaiah 58:10-11).

Lord, today I will change my focus from myself to others. I am going to look for someone who needs encouragement or company. Amen. 

Your Sorrows Can Help Others – Day 332

Your Sorrows Can Help Others

Day 332

God comforts you in your sorrows if you allow Him to. You, in turn, are to comfort others.

“One of the advantages of going through pain,” says Dee Brestin, “is that one day you will be able to comfort others who have been where we are. God is stretching you right now, and it’s very painful, but I do think that one day you will be able to comfort someone else.”

You first have to allow God to comfort you. Be open to receiving His comfort. Then you will be supplied and ready to give that same comfort to another person. You will not have to drum up the energy to do this or feel that it is a chore. You will be so full of God’s comfort that passing it on will come naturally, supernaturally.

“All praise to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is the source of every mercy and the God who comforts us. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

Father God, I accept Your comfort. I open my arms to You right now and stand secure in Your loving embrace. May my heart be so full of Your comfort that it pours out on others I meet today. Amen.

Share the Blessing – Day 331

Share the Blessing

Day 331

After the death of Sylvia’s parents, she began to take more notice of people who had lost a loved one.

She says, “I had not paid that much attention to them before. When another woman in our church lost a father, I could feel the pain she was going through when she sang in the choir on Father’s Day. Right after church when she came down, I went up to her and said, ‘I know exactly how you feel.’ She said, ‘You will never know how much this means to me.’ Through noticing and watching people who are undergoing that grief, you can be a big help.”

Your compassion and empathy can bring healing to another person in grief. Be willing to give and to share.

“Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints” (Philemon 1:7).

Father, let me be Your instrument of love and healing to others. Amen. 

You Are Not the Same– Day 330

You Are Not the Same

Day 330

“In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words of the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive’” (Acts 20:35).

You have probably been the recipient of much help throughout your time of grief. That is a great blessing. But think about Jesus’ words: “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Now it’s your turn to be the giver.

“Look around and find someone else who’s hurting,” says Linda, whose baby died, “and minister to that person, whether it’s just a card or a phone call. It seems like when you reach out to someone else, your grief begins to heal and it doesn’t seem as overwhelming to you. You can see beyond it.”

Lord Jesus, it sure is hard to see beyond myself. What can I do to reach out to another person in love today? Amen.

You Are Not the Same - Day 329

You Are Not the Same
Day 329

You are not the same person you were before. Too much has changed within and without. Do not try to fall back into the same patterns because you will only struggle to fit into a lifestyle that no longer fits. In order to live this new life, you must first identify the areas of your life that you struggle with, and then take steps to learn how to move forward in those areas. For instance, you might find yourself in new situations that you are not comfortable in without your loved one, or you might have new responsibilities that you do not know how to fulfill because your loved one used to take care of them for you.

Here is where you need to grow. God will provide what you need to experience true growth. Pray for wisdom as you develop new patterns of living.

Gretchen says, "My husband could talk to anybody about anything for any length of time, and I just always let him do it. I wasn't a big talker, but the Lord gave me some of that talking ability after he died. And I've been grateful for that because I was very happy in just letting my husband carry the conversation with people. Now, every time I got to something that I really wished I didn't have to go to, I just call on the Lord. The Lord is so faithful. Every single time I get through it and wind up enjoying it."

By God's grace you can be changed. You do not have to try and be the person you were before, because that is not possible. Instead ...

"Put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator" (Colossians 3:10).

Lord, even though I don't necessarily want to change, I know that I must. Give me confidence and wisdom in the areas that I struggle with. Amen. 

Develop New Relationships – Day 328

Develop New Relationships

Day 328

“We were just so close to so many couples, but once [my husband] died, the invitations weren’t there. That really hurt,” says Gretchen. “I just prayed to the Lord, ‘Well, Lord, I just need new friends.’

“I have been very blessed that He has given me a number of good widow ladies that I have been able to do things with and share with. Some of them are much older than me, and they don’t drive in the daytime. Some of them are walkers, and they can’t drive. I feel that I can be real helpful in doing things for them and carrying them places and having a luncheon and that sort of thing. God has really been good.”

For Gretchen, it wasn’t about hurt feelings and self-pity. She chose to reach out to new people, and she knew she had love to give because of God’s love for her. She spoke to God frankly: “I just need new friends.” And God was faithful in answering.

“We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,’ yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother” (1 John 4:19-21).

Father God, when I don’t fit in as I once did, it hurts me. Give me a positive outlook and hear my prayer: “Lord, I just need new friends.” Amen.  

Called to Love – Day 327

Called to Love

Day 327

You have the opportunity to demonstrate the kind of love that God calls you to in His Word. As you do this, your healing will be accelerated.

“What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?

“In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.” (James 2:14-18).

Act on your beliefs. What specific things can you do to help someone in need? If you do not know of someone in need, ask God to bring a name to your mind. Then be brave and call that person and offer your help. Persist until you have something specific to do. You can also call your pastor or church leader and ask for suggestions of people who might need your help.

Lord, I want to do something. I want to take action and not just think about taking action. Spur me on. Amen. 

Give a Hug – Day 326

Give a Hug

Day 326

Sometimes a hug is all that is needed.

Jeffrey, who lost his son, says, “The first Sunday we went back to church after this happened, one of the ladies walked in, and we did not know her at all. She walked over, and she saw our name tags. She just grabbed both of us and hugged us and started crying. And she didn’t speak a word.

“That meant more to us just to know that she had a heart, and she had compassion. She didn’t know what to say, and she didn’t say anything. But she was willing to let her emotion show and just embrace us.”

Christians are carriers of God’s power. A simple, heartfelt hug provides a release of that holy, healing power. Always look for the opportunity to spread God’s goodness daily and in a variety of ways.

One of the teachers of the law came to them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”

“The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord our God with all your heart and with all your souls and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:28-31).

Lord God, may Your healing power be released in me as I take the opportunity to love. Amen.

Take the First Step – Day 325

Take the First Step

Day 325

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world” (James 1:27).

Others will want to show their love for you during grief, but will often not know how to do that.

Wendy and Jeffrey lost their infant son. Wendy says, “We both felt like everybody in the entire world was trying to avoid us. They didn’t want to ask us how we were doing because they were scared that we might actually tell them! They wouldn’t know what to say, or they just didn’t want to talk to us at all because they knew we were probably very sad people. So that might rub off on them.

“I wish I had counted the number of cards we received because that’s a very easy thing to do. But as far as phone calls? We have very good friends, and it wasn’t that they didn’t care; it was just that they didn’t know what to say. So they didn’t call.”

If you are in need of a phone call or a listening ear, you may need to take the first step. Or, if you need to offer someone else a listening ear, pick up the phone and call. The Bible instructs people to look after one another and to stay true to His Word.

Father, I’m on both ends of this. I need people to help and encourage me, and, at the same time, I want to be there for those who need my support. Amen. 

Stay Involved in Others’ Lives - Day 324

Stay Involved in Others’ Lives

Day 324

“When you listen to somebody and he or she shares what’s really happening, the pat answers don’t work, and you don’t know what to say,” says Dr. Larry Crabb. “But it’s at that point when you don’t know what to say that if you back away, you lose the opportunity to touch. In your inadequacy can you stay involved?”

Don’t back away because you are afraid of getting involved in another person’s sorrows and problems. No one is wholly adequate, but everyone has a choice: (1) stay involved and truly show love and help or (2) back away, afraid of making things worse.

Take the risk, and God will provide the strength.

“Serve one another in love” (Galatians 5:13).

Great Lord, yes, with You I really can be strong. Amen. 

Be Involved in Others’ Lives – Day 323

Be Involved in Others’ Lives

Day 323

Involvement requires investment. Getting involved in other people’s lives is not easy. You have to choose to take the time and show love to others. It will not always come naturally.

“You need to find the courage to get deeply involved in other people’s lives and experience the mess and frustration, the sense of impotence, the sense of not knowing what to do,” says Dr. Larry Crabb.

You may be thinking, I have my own problems. I don’t have the time. I don’t have the energy. I don’t have anything to offer.

Excuses!

Step out of your comfort zone and do something great for God. People need you, and it’s up to you to find out who they are and what you can do to help.

“If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself,’ you are doing right” (James 2:8).

Holy God, I want to do right. Even when my energy and courage are failing, push me forward to help and love another person who needs me. Amen.

Lend Me Your Faith – Day 322

Lend Me Your Faith

Day 322

“Faith is what carries you through,” says Dr. H. Norman Wright. “It is vital. But the problem is, during an intense loss or trauma or crisis sometimes you wonder, ‘Where is my faith? Where is my hope?’ And that’s when you need somebody else to walk alongside you and say ‘Let me lend you my faith and my hope until your own comes back again.’”

A strong Christian friend will be invaluable on your grief journey. This friend will listen, be available, and uphold you in prayer. He or she will spur you on to a deeper relationship with Christ.

“I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong – that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith” (Romans 1: 11-12).

Your friend, in turn, will grow and be blessed by the almighty God who greatly rewards those who follow His commands.

Lord, show me who this strong Christian friend is. You have provided people to walk alongside me and to lift me up when I stumble. I do not want to miss out on this blessing. Thank you, Great Provider. Amen. 

You Need Others – Day 321

You Need Others

Day 321

How many people are praying for you regularly? You need other people, and you especially need their prayers.

Barbara Johnson says, “Right when you’re down in the middle of the pain and you’re going through this, that’s when you have to say, ‘Hey, I’m a Christian, but I’m really hurting. I need you to pray for me, and I need you to love me because right now I’m not effective as a Christian. I just can’t be bubbling out about how joyful I am. I will in time, but right now I need you to comfort me and I need God’s love to comfort me.’”

When you first lost your loved one, you likely had several people praying for you and your family. But what about now? What about now when the grief is still deep and everyone seems to expect you to have bounced back into life?

Call a friend who will quietly listen and who will pray. Be sure to ask people for their prayers. They might not think to offer if the topic is not brought up!

“I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers” (Philemon 1:4).

Comfort me with Your love, O Lord. Thank You for the prayers that are being said for me. Amen. 

A New Family – Day 320

A New Family

Day 320

When you become part of a church, you become part of a family, God’s family. Believers of Jesus Christ will rally together in love and support for those in need.

“I don’t think we would have made it through without family support, without the church family,” says Betty, whose daughter-in-law died. “Here it is fifteen months later, and our church family is still supporting us. The Sunday school class brought in meals for three months. The women came in and helped me with the children.

“I literally quit my job and moved in with my son to look after the children. Those two o’clock feedings for a grandma are not easy. The women would come in from nine to three to help me so that I could catch up with my sleep and keep up. The meals kept coming in.”

If you did not receive this kind of support from your church, let your pastor or a church leader know your needs. The church body cannot help if they are not aware of your needs. This is not the time to say you have everything under control, because you don’t.

Let yourself be ministered to by your church family, and you, in turn, can provide help for someone else at a different time.

“Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers” (Galatians 6:10).

Savior God, my church family is such a blessing to me. Free me to accept their help with sincere appreciation. Amen. 

The Door Is Open – Day 319

The Door Is Open

Day 319

The church is very important to God. It is His representative upon the earth. What people think about God is often influenced by what they think about the church. The doors of the church are always open to hurting people.

“You have all that support,” says Luevenia, whose husband died. “Church people are ready and willing to rally around you. That’s part of being a Christian in a church. I think it’s just worth everything. People aren’t flawless, but you can really rest in the assurance that they are good people in every sense of the word.”

Have you walked through those open doors?

“Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord” (James 5:13-14).

Father God, give me the courage to seek help in the church. Also, I pray that my own doors are open for anyone who needs my help. Amen. 

Help Is Through the Church – Day 318

Help Is Through the Church

Day 318

Open your mind to the idea that help can be given through people in a church.

“If you’re not a Christian, give it a try,” suggest Jan Northington. “Come to church. Find out who this God is and what Jesus can be for you. I think it’s a place where you’ll find warmth, understanding, and encouragement, even if you are a little undecided as to whether you want to make this kind of commitment. Church is a place to start, and it’s a place to find love and acceptance and help. That’s what you need right now.”

The church has valuable spiritual and emotional resources, beyond what you might realize. Give your local body of believers a chance to help you.

“After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and care for it, just as Christ does the church” (Ephesians 5:29).

Christ Jesus, You are the head of the church, and by Your example the people in the church love and care for those in their community. I would like to get to know these people. Amen. 

Emotional Intensive Care – Day 317

Emotional Intensive Care

Day 317

You may feel that emotionally you need critical care. Seek help from a Christian church. The church is a place that welcomes hurting people. Remember, no church congregation is perfect. You may have been let down by the church recently or in the past. Yes, the church is filled with imperfect people, but the church is also filled with people who are trying to love more deeply and trying to live the kind of life that God has called them to.

“It’s just like your emotions are going into intensive care. What can you do?” says Sylvia of the loss of her parents.

Let yourself be loved.

“The entire law is summed up in a single command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself” (Galatians 5:14).

Lord, I want to be loved. I need to be loved. Amen. 

God’s Spiritual Hospital – Day 316

God’s Spiritual Hospital

Day 316

“I view church as a hospital,” says Dr. H. Norman Wright. “Invite the people in who are struggling, who are hurting.”

The church is not just a place for whole and healthy people to attend. When you are hurting and in need, the church is the community where you can find help. Whether you need immediate treatment or long-term care, God has designed the church to minister to your needs.

Dr. Larry Crabb says, “In the field of the soul there are no professional surgeons; there are only caring Christians. I think that’s a critical thing for us to realize.”

People in the church will enable you, through their love, to move forward on your journey. They may not know the exact words to say, and their timing will not always be right, but be assured that they love you because they love the Lord.

“Dear friend, you are faithful in what you are doing for the brothers, even though they are strangers to you. They have told the church about your love. You will do well to send them on their way in a manner worthy of God” (3 John 1: 5-6).

Lord God, it is time for me to visit your hospital – the church. Guide me to a church that will welcome me with open arms, and give me the courage to speak up and not hide in the back. Amen. 

It’s Your Move – Day 315

It’s Your Move

Day 315

It’s hard to take responsibility when so many areas of your life seem out of control. But if you can’t manage your life, how can you be answerable for it? It is true that you cannot control what emotions you will feel or how certain events come to pass, but you need to be responsible for how you handle your own circumstances.

As Dr. Norman Peart says, “God is in control. He has not left the scene. He has not left the control panels, and He is going to work it all out for His glory. At the same time, that means that there are some responsibilities we have.”

Part of moving on is to figure out where your responsibilities lie. The biblical answer to this question is to start right where you are. What were your areas of service and responsibility before you lost your loved one? You don’t need to jump into them all at once, but they will be your beginning point.

“Brothers, each man, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation God called him to” (1 Corinthians 7:24).

Lord, show me where you have called me to serve. Help me to begin so I can take responsibility and move on. Amen. 

Adding Variety to Your Life – Day 314

Adding Variety to Your Life

Day 314

Don’t just use one resource for recovery – use several. We have mentioned a number of tools to aid in your grief recovery: a journal, sharing, humor, pets, diet, exercise, the Bible. These tools require work and effort, and they will all help you in some respect. Incorporating a variety of resources will keep you from getting in a rut that would otherwise inhibit your progress toward healing.

Dr. Jim Conway explains it this way: “The process of adjusting to grief is the process of working through these things by talking to people. You also need the music dimension. You need to be spending time in the Scriptures, especially the Psalms and the Proverbs, letting God reach in there and massage your heart.

“You need to spend time praying and reading your Bible. It’s important to have that quiet reflection with God. You also need to think through your diet. Don’t just eat junk food; force yourself to eat a balanced diet. Additionally, physical exercise drops off, so work at the whole physical component. Also, think about getting into other kinds of groups. If you’re only in grief groups, you’re only hanging out with grieving people. Join a standard Bible study group with people who are not grieving, but don’t get into singles groups; you’re not ready for that yet.”

Think about what has worked well for you on your healing journey. What new tools can you try out?

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (Colossians 3: 16-17).

One thing is clear, Lord: I’ve got to do something!

Branch Out – Day 313

Branch Out

Day 313

If your life has been monopolized up until this point with grief and other grieving people, it is time to branch out. Get involved in a group that includes a variety of people with a similar interest (people who are not grieving).

“I had no neighbors to visit me except a young girl across the street,” says Gretchen, “and she kept saying, ‘You need to belong to the garden club. You just stay in all the time.’ She’d wait about six months, and she’d catch me at the mailbox, and she’d say, ‘You still don’t want to join the garden club?’ I’d say, ‘No, I can’t.’ She said, ‘Well, I’m just going to put your name on the list anyway.’ And I said, ‘If it ever comes up, I probably won’t be able to go on account of my husband’s illness.’ She said, ‘We’ll see about that.’

“Well, my husband died the sixteenth of August, and my name came up in September to join the neighborhood garden club. That was just the hand of the Lord. It was a way for me to get out and start meeting my neighbors.”

In whatever group you choose to be involved in, you will be an asset. If you think your presence does not benefit the group in any way, you are wrong. God made each person to be an important part of the whole.

“The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I don’t need you!’ And the head cannot say to the feet, ‘I don’t need you!’ On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensible” (1 Corinthians 12:21-22).

Lord, where do You need me? Amen.

Making New Memories – Day 312

Making New Memories

Day 312

As you move forward on your journey, you create new memories each day. Enjoy the good memories of the past, but be aware of the new memories that occur daily.

What special activity or event do you have planned for today or this weekend? Whom will you invite to join you? Make a new, happy memory.

Job suffered great tragedy in his life, but as time went on, the Lord gave Job new opportunities to form happy memories. The Bible says, “The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the first. He had fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, a thousand yoke of oxen and a thousand donkeys. And he also had seven sons and three daughters (Job 42: 12-13).

Lord, renew my mind as I walk with You today. Amen. 

Remembering Good Memories – Day 311

Remembering Good Memories

Day 311

Flashbacks and reruns of disturbing memories can be exhausting. For those in grief, the memories can hit you unexpectedly. Time will fad the bad memories, but be sure to make a conscious effort to remember the good.

“I would see him in my mind when he was really sick,” says Sue following her husband’s death, “but that fades. People told me that would fade. Now I see him praying in church, which is good. At first I had a lot of the negative flashbacks, but over time I saw the good things.”

Reminisce good memories about your loved one with someone else. You may want to write down those memories. Above all, enjoy the good memories and gain strength from them.

“You were wearied by all your ways, but you would not say, ‘It is hopeless.’ You found renewal of your strength, and so you did not faint” (Isaiah 57:10).

Lord, renew my strength and refresh my mind with peaceful, happy memories. Amen. 

Helping Others – Day 310

Helping Others

Day 310

Helping other people eases your pain and gives you the chance to turn your grief into something good.

“I was asked to come in and counsel this mother and daughter. The daughter was dying of a tumor, just as my daughter had died,” says Dora. “At first, they were hesitant to approach me. They weren’t sure if I could handle facing the pain and the grief again.

“When I was asked, I jumped at the opportunity because I thought, This is a good chance for me to turn my daughter’s death into something really good and something that I could help other people with. That proved to be very, very helpful for me in my recovery process.”

Everyone in this world needs some kind of help, and someone needs you today.

“Each helps the other and says to his brother, ‘Be strong!’” (Isaiah 41:6).

God, when I don’t feel strong, help me to remember that my strength is in You. Show me someone in need today. Amen. 

Your Diet – Day 309

Your Diet

Day 309

What you eat affects your day more than you may realize. A balanced diet increases your energy, strength, concentration, and your ability to ward off illnesses. It also makes you feel better about yourself, because your diet affects your thoughts and your emotions.

“You need to think through your diet,” suggests Dr. Jim Conway, whose wife died. “Typically, people going through grief eat very poorly. During the early days of my grieving, I would open up a can and eat out of it, while standing at the kitchen counter!”

A balanced diet is not only an important tool in healing from grief, but it is also a way to glorify God. It honors God when you take care of your body, His creation.

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31).

Glorious God, eating healthy is hard enough to do when I’m not grieving. Maybe now is a good time to change my ways. Please help me in this. Amen. 

Exercise Brings Healing - Day 308

Exercise Brings Healing

Day 308

“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well” (3 John 1:2).

You have probably not paid too much attention to your exercise habits (or lack thereof!). Regular exercise is an important part of your healing. Exercise contributes not only to your physical wellness, but also to your mental and spiritual health.

Choose an exercise that you are likely to stick with. Keep in mind that it is good for you to get out of the house. You might enjoy walking, swimming, dancing, or basketball. Find out what sports activities are available in your community.

“I’ve gone into an exercise program,” says Kay, whose brother died, “and I feel much better. I walk every day, three miles a day. I walk early in the morning, right at daylight. It gives me time to think and time to pray.”

God has entrusted you with your body to care for it.

“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own” (1 Corinthians 6:19).

Holy Spirit, exercising regularly seems like an impossible feat sometimes. Help me to start an exercise plan and remain faithful to it. Amen.

Choose a Productive Activity - Day 307

Choose a Productive Activity
Day 307

"You don't really care about anything," says Sue, who lost her husband. "Nothing has any meaning to you. But I would suggest that you get involved in something to help other people, a soup kitchen, or something you can do without a lot of thought."

Replace your indifferent, negative outlook with something good and productive. The Bible verse below explains that you are not only to cease your wrong behavior, but you are to replace it with an activity that helps other people.

"He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need" (Ephesians 4:28).

Loving Father, it's time for me to step away from my thoughts and problems and do something for someone else. Guide me today to take an active step toward this. Amen. 

Making Music unto God - Day 306

Making Music unto God
Day 306

Every person walks to the rhythm of different tunes. The music of your life can be a source of praise to God.

"It is good to praise the Lord and make music to your name, O most High" (Psalm 92:1).

You may be a singer, a hummer, an instrumentalist, a dancer, or an avid listener. God made you musically unique.

"Let them praise his name with dancing and make music to him with tambourine and harp" (Psalm 149:3).

"Sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous; it is fitting for the upright to praise him" (Psalm 33:1).

Put on some praise music or take an early-morning walk and sing with the birds! Do this again and again and experience healing through music.

"Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs" (Psalm 100:2).

Lord, I sing my own song to You today. I will sing to You when I rise up in the morning, as I go about my day, and when I retire at night Jesus, keep this song in my heart and change my life. Amen. 

Praise Breaks the Bonds - Day 305

Praise Breaks the Bonds
Day 305

According to Dr. Bill Bright, "Praise is a way of being liberated from the bondage of grief. God inhabits the praise of His people. Surround yourself with praise music. Invite your friends to come and praise God with you, and praise Him even with your tears, even if your heart is not in tune with what your lips are saying at first. It will not be long until your heart will catch up with praise.

"Many, many times during heartache and sorrow, I have praised God with tears streaming down my cheeks because I know that God is a God of love."

The Bible says that God dwells in the praises of His people. He lives among praises and is continually surrounded by them. What an incredible way to abide with the Holy God.

"But thou art holy, O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel" (Psalm 22:3 KJV).

Holy, holy God, I praise Your name. You are worthy to be revered above all things. I praise Your name. Amen. 

A Sacrifice of Praise - Day 304

A Sacrifice of Praise
Day 304

Praise is a tremendous resource that brings healing. The Bible says again and again to praise God. That means to worship, honor, and thank Him. Even when you do not feel like praising God, do it because you believe in the power of praise.

"You offer God praise when it hurts," says Joni Eareckson Tada, "and it costs you something. It costs your logic; it costs your pride. God then is so much more highly honored because He knows that you deem Him so, having offered such a sacrifice."

Hebrews 13:15 tells you to offer the "sacrifice of praise" to God with lips that thankfully acknowledge, confess, and proclaim the glory of His name. Your healing is intertwined in this daily praise.

"Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name" (Hebrews 13:15 NKJV).

Holy God, You are worthy of my praise. I honor and life up Your name, and I thank you for Your daily goodness. Amen.