Keep a Journal - Day 286

Keep a Journal
Day 286

"Give ear to my words, O LORD, Consider my groaning" (Psalm 5:1).

A journal is not written for anyone but you, so you do not need to worry about the grammar, how it looks, or what you write. A journal allows you to express your deepest feelings and, over a period of time, to see the progress of your healing.

"The journal is so useful for me because I can look back and say, I really made it through this," says Dora, whose daughter died.

"I just wrote down random thoughts as I was sitting by her bedside. I wrote, 'She's so weak; it seems she will never progress off the ventilator. I miss her. I really miss her. I miss my girls, my husband, my life. The anger is so great. I woke up this morning at three a.m. with a pain in my body, in my heart, a pain I just could not turn off, an angry pain, a shouting pain, a pain that would not keep quiet. Lord, help me, please. Help my daughter. Help her to live. I want her to live a normal, happy life. I'm tired. Please, dear God, help my little girl.'"

Over two years after her daughter's death, Dora continued her journal:

My daughter taught me to love. It's a simple word that has a vast meaning. Love can mean compassion, uncensored and true, living in the moment. Love can be unconditional and unprotected and vulnerable, which is a scary place to be, a place most of us choose not to be. But my daughter taught me it is this place of love that holds the meaning of life for us here. The reason we're put here is to receive those precious gifts of love from the Lord all around us. At times we lose those gifts just to remind us that we're not here to place judgment, hold bad feelings, get lost in our own needs, but to extend or surpass our own boundaries and give love. For in the end, that's all we have.

O Lord God, I need to do this. Every day I need to write down whatever comes to my mind, whatever I am thinking about or feeling. I release these thoughts to You. Help me to grow and to love. Amen.