Making Decisions
Day 127
With the death of a spouse, you are suddenly faced with a myriad of decisions you must make on your own, and these decisions bombard you right alongside your tangled, unpredictable, and overwhelming emotions.
"I had never bought a car in my life!" says Gretchen. "He just all of a sudden one day would come in with a new car. We didn't particularly talk about it. He knew and I knew when the time came that he would depreciate them out, and then I would get that car, and he would get a new one."
Decisions can range from what to serve the children for breakfast to how to buy a car. These decisions come daily, and they cannot be ignored. Take heart; God will give you the strength and the wisdom to make the right choices. you can trust that He is helping you even when you are not aware of it.
"The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the LORD" (Proverbs 16:33).
God, I must tackle these decisions one at a time. Hear my prayers for each decision and answer them -- one at a time. Amen.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Companionship is Gone - Day 126
Companionship is Gone
Day 126
Picture yourself at the dinner table laughing with your spouse. Picture your spouse in his or her favorite room or chair. Picture your spouse hugging you while you cry.
"The greatest loss is the company of that person, having him there," says Nancy, who lost her husband. "He had a favorite chair. You look over at that chair, and he is no longer in that chair. He was always there to lift me up if something was wrong."
Now picture yourself at the dinner table dining with Jesus. Picture yourself in your favorite room or chair with Jesus close by your side. Lastly, picture Jesus enfolding you in His arms, covering you completely with the sleeves of His robe and just pouring out His love into your whole being.
Be filled with His great love today.
"This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might love through him.... And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives n love lives in God, and God in him." (1 John 4:9, 16).
Lord Jesus, today I will crawl into Your arms of love and just rest. Amen.
Day 126
Picture yourself at the dinner table laughing with your spouse. Picture your spouse in his or her favorite room or chair. Picture your spouse hugging you while you cry.
"The greatest loss is the company of that person, having him there," says Nancy, who lost her husband. "He had a favorite chair. You look over at that chair, and he is no longer in that chair. He was always there to lift me up if something was wrong."
Now picture yourself at the dinner table dining with Jesus. Picture yourself in your favorite room or chair with Jesus close by your side. Lastly, picture Jesus enfolding you in His arms, covering you completely with the sleeves of His robe and just pouring out His love into your whole being.
Be filled with His great love today.
"This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might love through him.... And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives n love lives in God, and God in him." (1 John 4:9, 16).
Lord Jesus, today I will crawl into Your arms of love and just rest. Amen.
When Loneliness Hits - Day 125
When Loneliness Hits
Day 125
When does loneliness hit you the hardest?
"Getting into bed at night -- it was the biggest, loneliest bed. So far I have not been able to pull the covers down on that side," Luevenia says following her husband's death.
JoAnn answers: "When you're used to having a partner and going out together and doing stuff together, it's difficult when all of a sudden you don't have anybody."
Nell, also widowed, says, "At night, especially when I would come to church, there were times I didn't want to go back home. It would just make me nervous to think about going back home and being by myself."
Do not fear or try to avoid those situations where loneliness creeps in and seems unbearable. Face the loneliness with Jesus at your side and know that this is a time of deep loneliness; feel the loneliness and do not try to block it out. Express your emotions and then keep walking with Jesus.
"I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble. Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life" (Proverbs 4:11-13).
Jesus, guide me in wisdom. Walk with me in my path of loneliness and bring me safely through. Amen.
~ I have totally been there done that with this. I have moments of time when I get so in my own head that I start making stuff up. Creating a problem that wasn't there to begin with and then growing that seed of deceit in my own head. I have learned along the way though, that even in my darkest of hours, I have my son and I have God and that is about all I need. I can lean on others, but with my God and my son and myself .. we got this!
Day 125
When does loneliness hit you the hardest?
"Getting into bed at night -- it was the biggest, loneliest bed. So far I have not been able to pull the covers down on that side," Luevenia says following her husband's death.
JoAnn answers: "When you're used to having a partner and going out together and doing stuff together, it's difficult when all of a sudden you don't have anybody."
Nell, also widowed, says, "At night, especially when I would come to church, there were times I didn't want to go back home. It would just make me nervous to think about going back home and being by myself."
Do not fear or try to avoid those situations where loneliness creeps in and seems unbearable. Face the loneliness with Jesus at your side and know that this is a time of deep loneliness; feel the loneliness and do not try to block it out. Express your emotions and then keep walking with Jesus.
"I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble. Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life" (Proverbs 4:11-13).
Jesus, guide me in wisdom. Walk with me in my path of loneliness and bring me safely through. Amen.
~ I have totally been there done that with this. I have moments of time when I get so in my own head that I start making stuff up. Creating a problem that wasn't there to begin with and then growing that seed of deceit in my own head. I have learned along the way though, that even in my darkest of hours, I have my son and I have God and that is about all I need. I can lean on others, but with my God and my son and myself .. we got this!
Feeling Alone - Day 124
Feeling Alone
Day 124
Along with all your other pain, the sense of being totally alone can press in on you. You are facing life alone now, and you may feel more acutely than ever the loss of the deep and intimate connection you shared with your spouse.
Dr. Ray Pritchard says, "There's a tremendous difference between being along and being lonely. When you're alone, you simply have no other people around, but you feel no particular loss. You are lonely when other people may be around, but you feel that there is no one around to connect with you at a deep personal level.
"Be completely honest about your loneliness. It is not a sin to feel lonely. I just think you shouldn't stay that way. Be honest with God, and then pick up the phone and call a friend; call a pastor; call someone in your church. Don't sit by yourself feeling as if you are completely helpless. I know how hard it is to pick up the phone, but how much worse it is to stay that way for days and weeks and months and feel as if no one cares."
Though you may feel friendless and forsaken, the Lord is always with you. He will be your refuge, and He will give you the strength to carry on if you just ask Him.
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble" (Psalm 46:1 NASB).
Heavenly Father, You are a constant presence on this journey. Amen.
~ I found that this is so true. I didn't want to bother other people. I once reached out and then suddenly I was told "Amber it has been ___ and it is time to move on" that is the WORSE thing anyone who isn't grieving can tell you. It is that statement right there that makes you not want to ask for help. Not to pick up the phone and call someone. It is ONE person telling you the ONE thing that shouldn't be told to a grieving person and it sets us back. I felt like saying "she was your niece and she was your sister .. how do you not grieve?" I can't say that my way is the right way or his way was the right way, but I know that I have learned that hurt people hurt people. If I have learned nothing else from going to class and reading my emails... HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE!
Day 124
Along with all your other pain, the sense of being totally alone can press in on you. You are facing life alone now, and you may feel more acutely than ever the loss of the deep and intimate connection you shared with your spouse.
Dr. Ray Pritchard says, "There's a tremendous difference between being along and being lonely. When you're alone, you simply have no other people around, but you feel no particular loss. You are lonely when other people may be around, but you feel that there is no one around to connect with you at a deep personal level.
"Be completely honest about your loneliness. It is not a sin to feel lonely. I just think you shouldn't stay that way. Be honest with God, and then pick up the phone and call a friend; call a pastor; call someone in your church. Don't sit by yourself feeling as if you are completely helpless. I know how hard it is to pick up the phone, but how much worse it is to stay that way for days and weeks and months and feel as if no one cares."
Though you may feel friendless and forsaken, the Lord is always with you. He will be your refuge, and He will give you the strength to carry on if you just ask Him.
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble" (Psalm 46:1 NASB).
Heavenly Father, You are a constant presence on this journey. Amen.
~ I found that this is so true. I didn't want to bother other people. I once reached out and then suddenly I was told "Amber it has been ___ and it is time to move on" that is the WORSE thing anyone who isn't grieving can tell you. It is that statement right there that makes you not want to ask for help. Not to pick up the phone and call someone. It is ONE person telling you the ONE thing that shouldn't be told to a grieving person and it sets us back. I felt like saying "she was your niece and she was your sister .. how do you not grieve?" I can't say that my way is the right way or his way was the right way, but I know that I have learned that hurt people hurt people. If I have learned nothing else from going to class and reading my emails... HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE!
No Longer a Couple - Day 123
No Longer a Couple
Day 123
Many things in society today are couple orientated, and you are probably very conscious of and disturbed by the fact that you are no longer part of a couple.
"Socially, you feel like an outcast. You go into a group you used to be part of as a couple, and all of a sudden you feel so alone," says Rev. John Coulombe.
This feeling of loneliness and the consciousness that you are not part of a couple may cause you to avoid going into group situations where most of the other people are couples. God disagrees with the idea that three's a crowd. He reveals in His Word that great strength is available when three people come together.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
Matthew 18:20 says, "For where two or there come together in my name, there am I with them."
Give your friends a chance, and don't think you are no longer welcome because your spouse is not with you. Let God give you the courage to go into situations in which you may feel awkward or unwanted.
Powerful God, I've been prejudging my friends and assuming they don't really want me around. My relationships with friends are different now, but different does not mean less loving or caring. Clear my vision to see how these relationships can become fuller and deeper because of You. Amen.
~ I felt like I wasn't wanted around friends and family because they might have to strike up a conversation and who wants to be the one to say the dreaded "and how are you doing" because that is like a loaded question.
Day 123
Many things in society today are couple orientated, and you are probably very conscious of and disturbed by the fact that you are no longer part of a couple.
"Socially, you feel like an outcast. You go into a group you used to be part of as a couple, and all of a sudden you feel so alone," says Rev. John Coulombe.
This feeling of loneliness and the consciousness that you are not part of a couple may cause you to avoid going into group situations where most of the other people are couples. God disagrees with the idea that three's a crowd. He reveals in His Word that great strength is available when three people come together.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
Matthew 18:20 says, "For where two or there come together in my name, there am I with them."
Give your friends a chance, and don't think you are no longer welcome because your spouse is not with you. Let God give you the courage to go into situations in which you may feel awkward or unwanted.
Powerful God, I've been prejudging my friends and assuming they don't really want me around. My relationships with friends are different now, but different does not mean less loving or caring. Clear my vision to see how these relationships can become fuller and deeper because of You. Amen.
~ I felt like I wasn't wanted around friends and family because they might have to strike up a conversation and who wants to be the one to say the dreaded "and how are you doing" because that is like a loaded question.
Loss of Purpose and Direction - Day 122
Loss of Purpose and Direction
Day 122
You may feel as though you have no purpose, that there's nothing left for you to do This feeling can be particularly strong if your spouse underwent a long illness and you had put all your time and energy into caring for him or her.
"Don't get caught up in the fact that you have lost someone," says Patricia, who is a widow, "but that God has something out there for you and that your life is not over. It may be the beginning of something very special that He has planned for you. It may be something that you would not be able to do if He had kept that one person on earth with you."
You are going to have a new, changed identity. God is calling you for a specific purpose, and you can trust Him to accomplish His purpose in your life.
"I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills (his purpose) for me" (Psalm 57:2).
"The LORD will fulfill [his purpose] for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever -- do not abandon the works of your hands" (Psalm 138:8).
Lord God, I don't feel purposeful at all right now, but I'm starting to be curious about what it is You want me to do. Amen.
~ It took me a long time to find myself again. I was in a shadow or fog for two years. I don't remember much of the happenings of those two years. I was just going through the motions. I got lost because I suddenly didn't know how to be myself when what I considered to be myself was wrapped up in seeing my sister daily and talking to her throughout the day. I would talk to my mom and see her every night before I went to bed. I suddenly didn't have either of them and I had to move out of our house within a month after that. It was too much too soon for me to handle. My reality was gone. I was going to need to find and figure out what my new reality was and not get lost in what I no longer had. I needed to start living again and not just staying stagnant. I wasn't functioning well, which for a single mom to a 15 month old isn't a good thing. I suddenly lost my son's caregiver and I was my mother's keeper. I didn't have her to check on and to make sure she took her medicine and make sure that she ate. It became too much too soon and I felt lost. The family and friends only stay around for a short amount of time. They all eventually go back to their own lives. It is then that you have to decide if you are going to wallow in self pity or if you are going to stand up on your own two feet again and face this new reality head on. It took me 2 years to figure out that I was ready to stand up and fight again. It took me until this year (3 years after their passing) to get to a point where I am my own person and I don't dwell or harp on the fact that I am missing my sister and my mother. I still feel alone sometimes, but I have another sister. I have aunts and cousins. I have friends. I am more blessed that I ever realized and that is okay. It is now the time to awaken and not take for granted what isn't promised, because tomorrow isn't promised.
Day 122
You may feel as though you have no purpose, that there's nothing left for you to do This feeling can be particularly strong if your spouse underwent a long illness and you had put all your time and energy into caring for him or her.
"Don't get caught up in the fact that you have lost someone," says Patricia, who is a widow, "but that God has something out there for you and that your life is not over. It may be the beginning of something very special that He has planned for you. It may be something that you would not be able to do if He had kept that one person on earth with you."
You are going to have a new, changed identity. God is calling you for a specific purpose, and you can trust Him to accomplish His purpose in your life.
"I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills (his purpose) for me" (Psalm 57:2).
"The LORD will fulfill [his purpose] for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever -- do not abandon the works of your hands" (Psalm 138:8).
Lord God, I don't feel purposeful at all right now, but I'm starting to be curious about what it is You want me to do. Amen.
~ It took me a long time to find myself again. I was in a shadow or fog for two years. I don't remember much of the happenings of those two years. I was just going through the motions. I got lost because I suddenly didn't know how to be myself when what I considered to be myself was wrapped up in seeing my sister daily and talking to her throughout the day. I would talk to my mom and see her every night before I went to bed. I suddenly didn't have either of them and I had to move out of our house within a month after that. It was too much too soon for me to handle. My reality was gone. I was going to need to find and figure out what my new reality was and not get lost in what I no longer had. I needed to start living again and not just staying stagnant. I wasn't functioning well, which for a single mom to a 15 month old isn't a good thing. I suddenly lost my son's caregiver and I was my mother's keeper. I didn't have her to check on and to make sure she took her medicine and make sure that she ate. It became too much too soon and I felt lost. The family and friends only stay around for a short amount of time. They all eventually go back to their own lives. It is then that you have to decide if you are going to wallow in self pity or if you are going to stand up on your own two feet again and face this new reality head on. It took me 2 years to figure out that I was ready to stand up and fight again. It took me until this year (3 years after their passing) to get to a point where I am my own person and I don't dwell or harp on the fact that I am missing my sister and my mother. I still feel alone sometimes, but I have another sister. I have aunts and cousins. I have friends. I am more blessed that I ever realized and that is okay. It is now the time to awaken and not take for granted what isn't promised, because tomorrow isn't promised.
Who Am I? - Day 121
Who Am I?
Day 121
"Who am I?" ask Heidi. "I had identified with this person; I had become one with this person. Our hopes and dreams were together. And now, who am I?"
When you are confused and uncertain, and you don't even know who you are anymore, remember that these feelings are expected with the loss of a spouse. Spend time working through these bewildering thoughts, and don't rush the process.
Trying to skip steps on your grief journey will not aid your healing; it will only set you back. Your identity is not gone; it just needs to be a rediscovered.
"Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture" (Psalm 100:3).
Lord, show me what it means to belong to You. Amen.
~ Again, I can relate to missing the person that I thought I was. I was so enveloped in my family and seeing my family day in and day out that I took for granted the fact that they were in my every day. I didn't tell them I loved them every chance I got. I tell my son every day and several times a day that I love him. He knows he is loved. I miss telling my mom and sister that I love them. I miss my sister's sense of humor and her silly blonde jokes. I miss her trying to push Sammy Hagar on me and I miss her going IDOL crazy! My sister loved my child as if he was her own and that is a love that can't compare!
Day 121
"Who am I?" ask Heidi. "I had identified with this person; I had become one with this person. Our hopes and dreams were together. And now, who am I?"
When you are confused and uncertain, and you don't even know who you are anymore, remember that these feelings are expected with the loss of a spouse. Spend time working through these bewildering thoughts, and don't rush the process.
Trying to skip steps on your grief journey will not aid your healing; it will only set you back. Your identity is not gone; it just needs to be a rediscovered.
"Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture" (Psalm 100:3).
Lord, show me what it means to belong to You. Amen.
~ Again, I can relate to missing the person that I thought I was. I was so enveloped in my family and seeing my family day in and day out that I took for granted the fact that they were in my every day. I didn't tell them I loved them every chance I got. I tell my son every day and several times a day that I love him. He knows he is loved. I miss telling my mom and sister that I love them. I miss my sister's sense of humor and her silly blonde jokes. I miss her trying to push Sammy Hagar on me and I miss her going IDOL crazy! My sister loved my child as if he was her own and that is a love that can't compare!
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